tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71112364460284143962023-11-16T07:03:39.781-05:00Maybe it's just me....Ramblings of a First Class complainer.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-15397207552261182092013-10-11T20:44:00.000-04:002013-10-11T20:44:06.852-04:00I'm Back!So. I haven't posted in over a year. There have been so many times when I've had a million thoughts running through my head and really just needed to get them out- but of course those times are when it's most inconvenient: like when I'm driving to or from work or daycare, when I'm trying to make sure dinner gets on the table while trying to figure out if "Hey mom! Look at this!" is something dangerous or just my crazy girl being crazy, or when it's quiet at night and we're snuggling in bed. I'm not going to lie- I love this mommy stuff.<br />
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Right now, I am sitting at my dining room table, drinking a bottle of Angry Orchard (I love this stuff!) and listening to my dear husband coax our daughter into sitting on the potty before bed. (She's fully potty trained and going through a phase in which she willfully chooses when and when not to sit on the toilet. We can talk about that later.) My house is an unorganized mess, and we ordered pizza for dinner because neither of us had the energy to cook and/or wanted to go out. Tomorrow morning will bring gymnastics class and shopping for accessories for her Sofia the First Halloween costume, but right now it's quiet. <br />
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I don't have anything profound to say, or a funny/ heartwarming story to share tonight. I just wanted to say "hi" to anyone who may read this. It's been a crazy 3 years, but we're doing OK. Life is good today.<br />
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<br />Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-11642152270772393412012-05-17T12:42:00.000-04:002012-05-17T12:42:24.682-04:00To my sweet not-so baby girl,<br />
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It’s May. Summer is just about here, and we are just about to celebrate graduations and weddings and new babies. None of those are yours, thank goodness, because you’re only 2! Someday, though, they will be. You will be looking around you and trying to figure out just exactly what emotion you will be feeling. You will be afraid of leaving the life you’ve always known, but excited to see what happens in the future. You will be scared that you will make a mess of it all. You will be confident that you know what you’re doing- even if you really have no clue. You will be equal parts wanting to leave and start everything new and wanting to hold on so tight to traditions and friends and that bring comfort in the every day.<br />
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Here is some unsolicited advice from your loving Mama:<br />
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BE PRESENT! Soak it all in. Remember faces and expressions and unimportant conversations. You really never know when or if you will see anyone again. Make every minute count.<br />
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Love. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone. If it feels right in your heart, then it probably is. Make sure, however, that you’re listening to your heart and not your hormones. Trust me, they are easy to confuse sometimes.<br />
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Try new things, but honor your commitments. At the end, you may still be unhappy with the experience that you had, but at least you’ll be able to say that you tried. And if you’re stuck doing something unpleasant, you don’t really have a choice but to make it work somehow. <br />
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Make REAL friends. Surround yourself with people who make you feel like the person that you want to be and respect the person that you are. Those people do exist, I promise.<br />
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Be kind. Other people have feelings, too. Smile at people. Yours may be the only smile that someone may see. Sometimes, that makes all the difference.<br />
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Every day, take a minute and lose yourself into something beautiful. It could be a flower, the way the sunlight comes through the trees, a painting, or a well-crafted piece of clothing. It could be a person or an animal. Thank God for making beautiful things, even if you are at a very low point in life. It will give you something to hold on to. If there is beauty in the world, then there is hope. Hold on to hope.<br />
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There is a line in your favorite book that has made me choke up EVERY SINGLE TIME that I read it: “And so then, my darling, wherever you roam- may you always be safe, may you always come home.” Please remember that, no matter what, you can ALWAYS come home. Nothing will ever change my love for you.<br />
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I love you always,<br />
Mommy.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-54779860099077915622011-05-31T21:34:00.002-04:002011-05-31T21:38:22.498-04:00Hannah at 16 months<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5yP9phM-ul7QZisWPj-kIJ_Ck8LyCGSW_Ks0vaHvDdtwRhkyCPUgroWJsXAOUYbVxIsI8d1x4Z-JKx_RLhezvn1nogogc5JRCezSIoVef8gglKlvNbaA9Ac_qpL6CqgVM9r67r5ea2Nb/s1600/photo.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5yP9phM-ul7QZisWPj-kIJ_Ck8LyCGSW_Ks0vaHvDdtwRhkyCPUgroWJsXAOUYbVxIsI8d1x4Z-JKx_RLhezvn1nogogc5JRCezSIoVef8gglKlvNbaA9Ac_qpL6CqgVM9r67r5ea2Nb/s320/photo.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613058978805039634" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; "><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">I took this picture over the weekend. Every time I look at it, I fall in love with it even more. It’s just so… Hannah. In a matter of seconds, she had climbed up the stairs, pulled out half of her baby wipes, dropped her baby lotion in the hallway, and cleared off my nightstand. In this picture, she’s reading the letters I’ve written to her since she’s been born. There are 2 of them, written at random times when I’ve been so overcome by love for her that I couldn’t keep the words inside.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">She is my life. My Baby. My Sweet Angel. My Rotten Princess. My smile and my laugh and my tears and my headaches. She’s shy and she’s funny. She’s afraid of bubbles and sand, but brave enough to want to try to swim on her own. She can’t say “baby”, but she can say “elephant” (well, close. It’s more like “enh- deh”.) She loves to look at pictures of us as a family. She’ll point to each of us over and over and over. Mommy. Daddy. Hannah. Sometimes I’m “mommy” and sometimes it’s “mama.” It’s ALWAYS “Daddy.” </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">She loves to see animals in person, but isn’t so crazy about them in pictures. She’ll dance alone if there’s no music, but turn the music on, and she’s reaching for me to dance her around the living room. She hates broccoli and loves green beans. She could live off of bananas if I’d let her. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">My daughter can operate any cell phone you put in front of her. Sometimes, she’ll send me a text message while I’m at work. When I see “aieuncniuhg ffff” it simultaneously makes me smile with joy and breaks my heart for wanting to be next to her- wherever next to her happens to be. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">I have never loved another person in my life with the intensity that I love this little girl.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">This is motherhood. This is amazing.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "> </p></span>Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-48194083590326001082010-03-09T16:58:00.000-05:002010-03-09T16:59:09.404-05:00Hannah's Birth Story (Better late than never!)Even before I got pregnant, my biggest labor fear was that my water would break at work. I mean, how embarrassing, right? <br /><br />Tuesday, January 12 was a normal day. I had lost my mucus plug a couple of days earlier, but when the doctor checked me at my weekly appointment the day before, he was unconcerned. There was no reason to think that I would be having my baby any sooner than my due date. I’d been feeling really gross since Sunday… like I couldn’t get clean, no matter how many showers I took. When I went to work on Tuesday, I noticed that every single person I ran into was commenting on how it wouldn’t be too long before I went into labor. I had 3 more childbirth classes to go, so my standard answer was “give me 3 more weeks, and I’ll be ready!”<br /><br />Around 4pm, I went to eat my afternoon snack. As I was reaching up into my cabinet, I felt a gush. I had just gone to the bathroom, so I was sure I hadn’t peed myself, which I knew is common late in pregnancy. I was hoping that maybe it was just a big gush of the liquid-y discharge I’d been having for the past 2 days, so I went about my business….. and about 30 seconds later I had another gush. At this point, I was pretty sure my water had broken. At work. At the end of the day. I texted my mom to tell her, because she was the person who was going to pick me up if I went into labor at work. (my husband works 30 minutes in the opposite direction of the hospital.) I told her that I thought my water had broken, but I wasn’t feeling any contractions, and it was the end of the day, so I thought I’d just stick it out and I’d be fine to drive myself home. And then I had another gush. And another. And I ran into my boss’ office to tell her the news. She was on the phone and gave me an annoyed “can’t this wait?” look. I shook my head. She said “ you’re not in labor, are you?!” When I told her that I thought I was, she went into panic mode! She made me sit down, which was a total mistake, because then I couldn’t stand up! And because I couldn’t stand up, we had to call 911 for the paramedics to transport me to the hospital. As if my water breaking at work wasn’t humiliating enough, now I had to have the paramedics come wheel me out on a gurney! <br /><br />Through it all, I was really calm! I still wasn’t feeling contractions, and I was making jokes and laughing at the absurdity of it all. The EMTs had a good sense of humor, too, which was good. Unfortunately, I work in a different county than the hospital I was supposed to deliver at, so they couldn’t take me there. The hospital they took me to was so packed in L&D that the only bed they had for me was in the recovery room. I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced, at -2 station when they checked me. I begged and begged, and because I wasn’t having regular contractions, they let my husband drive me down to the hospital I was supposed to deliver at. By the time we got there (around 7pm) my contractions were 4 minutes apart, 60 seconds long, and all in my back. Still, I was calm. I was laughing at my husband as he broke the speed limit (something he RARELY does) and told him to slow down. We were close enough, and the baby was not going to be born in the car!<br /><br />After we got to the hospital, everything became one big blur. I remember the 75 year old security guy outside of the ER yelling at Paul to park the car because the valet guys had gone home. I remember being wheeled up, roomed, and hooked up to the monitors before he found me. The contractions weren’t the worst pain I’d ever felt. Really, it felt like I had a bad stomach flu, but all of the pain was in my back. I was immediately hooked up to an IV, and they started an antibiotic drip. (Since I was only 34 weeks along, I hadn’t had time to get tested for Strep B.) People were in and out, and the contractions were getting worse. I wanted an epidural, but the anesthesiologist was running behind, and they were waiting on the results of some lab work they had done (I can’t remember what exactly it was.) The doctor suggested I get an injection of something that “wouldn’t take the pain away, but would make me care less about it.” I can’t remember the name of the drug, but it made me REALLY sleepy! <br /><br />Finally, at what they tell me was around 8:30pm (but I can swear was more around 10), I was able to get my epidural. Honestly, that was the scariest part of the whole thing. There were no complications, and it went quickly and smoothly, but thinking about someone messing with drugs and needles around my spine freaked me out. After it was in, though, I felt like a new person. I was trying to keep people updated on what was going on by texting, and my husband thought it was the funniest thing! I’m pretty sure we have some video of him making fun of me for Hannah to laugh at later on. (Or roll her eyes at. We’ll see how she turns out.)<br /><br />Before long, it was time to push. I couldn’t feel my contractions AT ALL, so they had to turn my epidural way down…. And really, I still couldn’t feel much. I did about 12 practice pushes and 12 real pushes, and she was out! (Thank goodness! I have no idea how women push for hours!) When the Dr pulled her out, I couldn’t believe it was real. It felt like I was watching it on TV or something.<br /><br />They took her away from me as soon as she was born, because they were concerned about her breathing, since she was a preemie. While the doctor “did his thing” I watched the nurses work on my daughter. She was so tiny at 4 lbs, 11oz! As I listened to her cry, all I could think was “my poor baby! She must be so scared!”<br /><br />And then my favorite moment of the entire night happened. Hannah was crying, and Paul walked over to see her. The neonatologist said “you can touch her,” and as soon as he did, she fell silent. Even brand new, she was able to tell the touch of her Daddy apart from the touches of all of the doctors and nurses around her. That’s when I cried.<br /><br />She was breathing on her own, but not well. I was able to hold her, but only for a minute. Our family was allowed to come in and see her for about 30 seconds before they rushed her away to the NICU, which would become her home for the first week of her life.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-12934474086639463892010-02-17T11:31:00.000-05:002010-02-17T11:31:59.799-05:001 month!<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ_10KPAMwp7398G0yr2Ti7LAtPuWjrEwTFiZsZBzIp1pe8qqlncRBJIq3I919qb3Zl2fGlNcMIcRmDRv-ZbaCPKbTpmtCzESZX2xrM_Uw4JqLD9gAb25s3kaEddsX31uhTz24MtFaTEFz/s1600-h/7-20-08+294.jpg"><img alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ_10KPAMwp7398G0yr2Ti7LAtPuWjrEwTFiZsZBzIp1pe8qqlncRBJIq3I919qb3Zl2fGlNcMIcRmDRv-ZbaCPKbTpmtCzESZX2xrM_Uw4JqLD9gAb25s3kaEddsX31uhTz24MtFaTEFz/s400/7-20-08+294.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br />I've sat down to write Hannah's birth story a million times, and I can't seem to put it into words. It's coming soon, I promise. In the meantime, here is a picture of my "Itty Bitty" for your viewing pleasure! I can't believe it's been a whole month already!<div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-67656452975235955312010-01-17T16:28:00.003-05:002010-01-17T16:31:55.595-05:00She's HERE!Hannah Claire was born on Tuesday, January 12 at 11:07pm. At birth, she was 4lbs 12oz, 17" long. <br /><br />Because she was born so early (at 34 weeks) we have been in the NICU with some breathing, eating, jaundice issues. Knock on wood, they all seem to be going away little by little. I haven't had any time to upload pics to my computer, but I will post some as soon as I have them on here, along with her interesting birth story.<br /><br />With any luck, I'll be bringing home my "Bella" within the next couple of days.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-3866172622397411432010-01-11T16:58:00.000-05:002010-01-11T16:59:32.247-05:00Let’s start the year off right- with a TMI post!Hi! Remember me? Once upon a time I used to write in this corner of the internet. Since I’ve been a pretty darn boring pregnant woman, I haven’t really had much to share…. But I thought I’d give a TMI update for anyone who might want to read it. Isn’t that nice of me?<br /><br />So- I’m 34 weeks, and I’m pretty sure I lost my mucus plug yesterday. I woke up feeling kind of crappy-like I was going to start my period, and I had some pretty crazy Braxton Hicks, but it wasn’t really anything abnormal, so I just went about my day. When I went to the bathroom at church, I noticed some really thick clear mucus with blood in it (I told you this was going to be TMI!) when I wiped. And by “some” I mean “a crap ton!” The only thing I could think that it might possibly be is my mucus plug…. It continued the rest of the day with the thick stuff, and then it switched to clear watery stuff- and then I got concerned that I was leaking amniotic fluid!<br /><br />I called the OB on call and asked what to do- he said that I could go into L&D if I wanted, but since I already had an appt set up for the next morning, I could probably wait until then. I wasn’t really having any “real” contractions, so I decided to wait.<br /><br />In the meantime, I started freaking out about everything that still needed to be done around the house and at work. I was afraid that they were going to tell me that I’d either a) need an emergency c-section because of the loss of fluid (Really, it’s that much! I’ve been going through pads worse than on my heaviest period days!), or b)need to go on bedrest. (which, honestly, I probably would be OK with. I’m a pretty lazy person anyway.) So I spent every spare minute yesterday making lists of things that needed done and sorting through all of the crap that is currently in my nursery.<br /><br />And then I couldn’t sleep. And then I had a minor panic attack in my sleep. And then I couldn’t sleep some more.<br /><br />And then I went to my Dr appt all period crampy and sleepy and nervous.<br /><br />It took a while for Hannah to move around during the ultrasound. I expected that, though, because I hadn’t eaten (I had to take a fasting blood sugar test this morning, too.) The amniotic fluid looked great, though. YAY! I went in for my NST, and almost fell asleep…. And then the Dr (one in the practice that I hadn’t yet met) came in to read it. He asked if I had any questions, and I told him about the whole “plug” issue, so he decided to do an internal exam.<br /><br />First he said “Doctors don’t really qualify anything specific as a ‘plug’” and then he proceeded to poke and prod and stick (and I really haven’t missed that, either!) and then he got up and walked away. After I got dressed he said, “well, your water is intact, you’re just having a lot of watery mucus, which is normal. See you back here next week.” And went on his merry way. I’m assuming that means that I’m all closed up and there’s no need to worry, right? I mean, if he was concerned, he wouldn’t have been so quick to push me out the door, I’m sure.<br /><br />SO. Now I’m sitting here trying to process it all, feeling a little better because we have a few weeks (hopefully only a few weeks!) to get stuff done, and hoping the next few weeks will not consist of me feeling completely gross and leaky!<br /><br />I missed you, too ;)Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-7993910845691436712009-11-05T10:58:00.001-05:002009-11-05T10:58:57.899-05:00In which I whine and complainI don’t know what my major malfunction is right now, but I know I have one. I can’t decide if it’s my crazy hormones, the fact that we are solidly in what I call the “gray season” in Ohio (basically from October through April) and SAD is starting to set in, or if it’s just because this past week has been just a series of “bad days” and it’s really wearing on me.<br /><br />This is what I know:<br />*I am not as deliriously happy as I should be right now. <br />*I’m tired ALL THE TIME, sore, achy, and sinus-y.<br />*I have a really hard time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, and then I can only stay comfortable for a couple of hours (at the most) before my hips/back/ arms hurt so bad that they wake me up. <br />*The first thing I do in the morning when my alarm goes off for work is cry. I’m so sick of my job (Which I know I am lucky to have, and I know is a good job) that I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than go into work. And I’m sick of crying at work. It’s unprofessional, and it makes me look bad. It can be triggered by something here, or it can just come out of nowhere.<br />*My house is a mess, and I have no desire or energy to clean it.<br />* I’m sick of watching every bite of food that goes in my mouth. I’m tired of eating and eating protein and veggies, only to be super hungry again 30 minutes later and not being able to eat for another 1.5 hours.<br /><br />*For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is cry. Constantly. <br /><br />I’m miserable, and I just want it to be February already! <br /><br />The Hubs has been so great through all of this, though. I know it bothers him that I’m sad all of the time, but he lets me just be sad. He sits with me and holds me and reassures me. He tries his hardest to make sure I’m comfortable, and doesn’t get offended when I snap at him for no reason. I couldn’t ask for a better support person right now. I wish, for his sake, that I could just snap out of this funk. <br /><br />Something’s gotta give, but what that something is, I have NO idea….Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-9206264315170854702009-10-30T11:20:00.001-04:002009-10-30T11:20:41.716-04:00Just MomI realized the other day that, in a few short months, someone is going to look at me and see only “Mom.” This is crazy to me. On one hand, it’s SOO FREAKIN COOL, but on the other, it almost feels like the loss of my identity.<br /><br />You know how, when you’re young, you look at your parents and they hardly seem like humans? They’re just “Mom” and “Dad.” It’s hard to imagine them as the people they were before you were born. It’s hard to imagine them as who they are independent of you. (Kids are very self-centered. Why is that?) I can’t tell you when it finally clicked for me that my mom is more than JUST my mom, and my dad is more than JUST my dad. They have lives, friends, personalities. I can say, though, that it wasn’t until recently. Maybe sometime in college?<br /><br />When Hannah is born, for a very long time, I will just be “Mom” to her. What does that mean? Will I lose my identity? Will I lose my sense of self? Will I get so wrapped up in loving and caring for her that I forget who Jill is? I know, even now, that I would gladly give my life for her. She is already in my every thought. It feels like my entire life right now is revolving around bringing her into this world happy and healthy. I don’t resent it- just the opposite. I feel so lucky to have this opportunity (even though I’m kind of a wuss and complain about it a lot.) When she’s born, will I willingly give myself up to be her mom? Will I miss being just me? Will I resent her for taking away my “freedom?” I know I won’t, but it’s still something I worry about….Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-52040713483819907842009-10-29T16:23:00.001-04:002009-10-29T16:23:51.570-04:00dreams and realityI had a dream about her last night. She was perfect and pink and wrinkly, and she had her daddy’s nose. Up until now, I’ve only ever dreamed about having boys. Even after I found out that she was a she. Strange, huh?<br /><br />In my dream, I went into labor, and was in and out of the hospital within 2 hours. I never fed her until after she was 24 hours old, because it suddenly occurred to me that she probably needed to eat. So then I tried to breastfeed and realized that I had NO idea what I was doing, and she only wanted to eat from one side- wouldn’t have anything to do with the other. <br /><br />When she was 2 days old, I brought her into work to show her off. I’m sorry- what?!<br /><br />I can’t really remember the rest, because all I could think of was how stupid I was being…<br /><br />*******<br /><br />~I’m feeling pretty good right now. I’ve had pop up visits from my buddy Morning Sickness every now and then for the past week or so. Super fun.<br /><br />~The GD still sucks. I’m on glyburide to control my fasting numbers, but they keep slowly creeping up. I’m probably going to have to increase my dosage after my visit next week. It would be really great if I could go more than a week with good numbers. Oh well, at least I can control the rest of my numbers with my diet *looking for some wood to knock on.*<br /><br />~I’m looking forward to the holidays this year. I know I’ll have fun, but I keep thinking about next year. Next year, I’ll have a baby that I will dress up in her first Halloween costume. We’ll buy her first Christmas dress. I’ll get to play Santa for the first time. She’ll be 10 months old, so she might just be able to open a few presents (with a little bit of help from Mommy or Daddy.) I can imagine what it will all be like, but I know reality will be so much different…. I’m so excited to live it out!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-77934122372134091502009-10-06T12:46:00.002-04:002009-10-06T12:47:34.948-04:00The Chinese Gender Predictors really know what they're doing!I’m in shock! We’re having a GIRL! <br /><br />We’ll get to meet Hannah Claire on or around Feb 20, 2010. <br /><br />We're super excited, but thought FOR SURE she was going to be a boy. Not so much!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-75812473630364326242009-09-24T16:32:00.000-04:002009-09-24T16:33:00.995-04:00And the Dietician Says....So my meeting with the dietician went well(ish.) Basically she just told me I have to watch my carb intake. Cool. AND I can have as much peanut butter as I want. AND she said that sugar free jelly is OK to eat. So my recently found love of PB&Js is unharmed. Until I get sick of them. And then I’ll have to find something else to eat for lunch. <br /><br />**Please, Dear Lord, don’t let me get sick of PB&J! Please let me keep loving it until after this little one has evacuated my womb. Then I can hate it again. I don’t care.**<br /><br />This lady was all Fire and Brimstone about how I COMPLETELY failed my test. She kept saying “You didn’t just fail, you REALLY failed.” Thanks, lady. Just what I needed to hear. SO I’m sitting there, feeling like a failure, and then she starts to talk about my weight. And how I’m JUST on the line of the weight I should be gaining. Umm I’m 18 weeks in, and I’ve only gained 4 lbs. I was pretty proud of myself until that moment.<br /><br />She tells me I have to test twice a day- once in the morning before I do ANYTHING (right… I haven’t really remembered to add that to the beginning of my routine yet.) and then once during the day after alternate meals (ie, 2 hours after breakfast one day, then lunch the next, then dinner…) And if I’m at or near the limit for any reason, I have to tell her EXACTLY why I’m over the limit. Oh, and apparently, I’m eating too late at night. Because I really love getting home at 6, after being gone since 7, and figuring out what to eat and then making it. It’s my favorite thing in the world. And not even a little bit intimidating. (See my previous post a few down about how food has been stressing me out.)<br /><br />So then I get home, and I call my prescription company to see what glucose meters they cover, so I know what to ask for when I get to the store. They transfer me around in circles for an hour, until I finally reach a lady who tells me that I can get a free meter (sweet!) BUT I have to use the mail-in program. The company will fax my Dr something to sign to say it’s OK to get the meter, and when the company finally gets the fax back (who knows how long that will take) they’ll send me the meter in the mail. It will take up to 10 days after they get permission to get me the meter. Obviously, that solution wasn’t going to work. Luckily, my sister had GD when she was pregnant with her twins, so I was able to use her meter. All I had to do was shell out $102 for test strips. (in the words of my sister, “those things are like GOLD”)<br /><br />So, it was a great time. Also, apparently the Low Carb craze is over. I was totally counting on the South Beach and Adkin’s followers to carry me through this- but the grocery store told me another story. Freakin’ A!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-50472125310277219392009-09-21T12:17:00.000-04:002009-09-21T12:18:16.814-04:00overdue updatePlease forgive my lack of blogging. I’ve had such a hard time putting thoughts into words lately! <br /><br />Things are going pretty well, so far, knock on wood! The morning sickness has been gone for a while now (Praise the Lord!) and I’ve had a bit more energy. Food is still stressing me out, which sucks even more now, because….. I have Gestational Diabetes! I was tested early because of my PCOS and my sister having it. I guess it was a good thing that they tested me early, because it turns out that I have it. I keep hearing that it’s not so bad once you get used to it, but I’m not so sure. I have an appointment with the nutritionist this afternoon, so hopefully she’ll set my mind at ease about all of this and I can get on track. The silver lining, I guess, is that it should limit the amount of baby weight that I put on (not that I was really worried about that) and I’ll have less to lose after baby is born. Hopefully I’ll be able to stay on the diet once the little bundle arrives, and it will help with my PCOS symptoms. Another silver lining: I don’t have to take that terrible test again at 27 weeks! I’m actually really excited about that. It was horrible.<br /><br />We find out what I’m growing in 2 weeks form tomorrow! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to start shopping and registering, and getting the nursery done. Mostly, too, I can’t wait to get new carpet. My ILs have generously offered to pay for us to get new carpet in our bedroom and the baby’s room. The previous owners’ animals used those rooms as litter boxes, and that has prompted our pets to do the same. Pretty gross. We’re hoping that a coat of KILLZ and new carpets will get rid of that habit. <br /><br />I felt the baby move about a week and a half ago! The Hubs was away on business and I was lonely. I had just gotten off the phone with him, and all of the sudden I felt a very obvious bump right below my belly button. Suddenly, I wasn’t so lonely anymore! <br /><br />That’s pretty much all that’s going on in my corner of the sky right now. I hope one or two people out there haven’t given up on me! I promise to write again, soon.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-36274430647884089342009-09-02T11:20:00.001-04:002009-09-02T11:20:24.128-04:00Makes me HappySomeone on my local message board asked us all to list things that make us happy- things that aren’t husband/child related. Writing the list made me happy, so I thought I’d post here. I even added more than what I told them. What a good way to start a day.<br /><br /><br />~Christmas Eve at my mom’s house. <br />~Cadbury Crème eggs<br />~Starbucks white chocolate mocha<br />~Having long, serious discussions on stupid topics<br />~Animals in general. Mostly baby ones.<br />~The ocean. Especially sitting out on the beach at night and staring into the blackness.<br />~Getting lost in a good book.<br />~New clothes.<br />~Spending time with my sisters.<br />~Christmas trees.<br />~Weddings.<br />~Standing outside on a silent winter night when tiny snowflakes are falling and look like glitter. It makes me feel like nothing could ever go wrong.<br />~Waking up somewhere new on a summer morning (like on vacation) and sitting outside enjoying the freedom that being away from home brings.<br />~Slow dancing (not so much with Paul, though. After almost 8 years, he still doesn’t know where to put his hands! Also, the height difference makes it difficult.)<br />~Going to the Park and feeding the ducks. Sometimes, they will completely surround you so that you are standing in a sea of them.<br />~Warm weather in December. (or Jan or Feb or anytime in the winter)<br />~ Having out of town relatives over and staying up late into the night talking about everything and nothing.<br />~Crawling into (or back into) my super comfy bed.<br />~Moments like this: This morning when I was driving in, I passed a field that was kind of overgrown. There was a small hill somewhere in the middle and a doe was standing completely still and looking toward the trees. There was fog on the ground, and the sun was just rising, so it hit in just the perfect place. I wanted to stop my car and stay in that moment for hours. <br /><br />What makes you happy?Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-35145662319585436212009-08-19T11:14:00.000-04:002009-08-19T11:15:25.370-04:00love affairDear Second Trimester,<br /><br />Oh, how I love you (so far.) Let me count the ways….<br /><br />1. No more morning sickness!<br />2. I can now eat (most) foods without gagging!<br />3. I have energy back! (Ok, so it’s pre-pregnancy lazy day energy, but it’s SOOOO much more than I had before!)<br />4. I’m starting to look very cute in fitted maternity shirts.<br />5. I can finally say that I’m pregnant and not feel like people are going to think I’m lying.<br />6. I can find out if he/she is a he or a she in a matter of weeks! <br />7. When I have cravings now, The Hubs takes it more seriously ;)<br /><br />Ok, so 7 ways sounds kind of lame, but seriously? Those 7 things are HUGE!!!! Second Trimester, you are my new best friend! Please don’t turn your back on me and trick me into thinking things are great when you’re just going to make me all sick and tired and weak again. I just don’t think I can stand it.<br /><br />Love always, (or unless you turn your back on me)<br />Jill<br /><br />**********************************************************************<br /><br />Dear Family,<br /><br />I am NOT having twins. I know I started to show very early, but I am 100% sure that there is only one baby in my uterus. Between my low-ish hcg levels in the very beginning, the 6 ultrasounds I have had, and the single heartbeat I have heard, I’m pretty sure the RE would have caught it by now. Give it up.<br /><br />Thankyouverymuch.<br /><br />I love you anyway,<br />Jill<br /><br />***********************************************************************<br /><br />The state of things:<br /><br />The NT Scan came back looking fantastic. RE released me on Monday. I have a regular OB appt next Monday, and I’m touring the L&D department of the hospital 5 minutes from my house the following Monday. <br /><br />I have fallen in love with Maternity pants. The full belly panel kind from Motherhood Maternity. They are the MOST comfortable things I have ever worn in my life. I may never stop wearing them. Also? I got a cute polo shirt from a friend, and my baby bump looks pretty fab in it, if I do say so myself.<br /><br />So far, this second trimester thing is pretty great. (And now I’m knocking on everything around me that is wood or made from wood.)Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-49305453691928564992009-08-10T10:10:00.000-04:002009-08-10T10:11:12.176-04:00stress!Pregnancy is the most amazing, most uncomfortable experience I have ever had.<br /><br />I’m very tired and whiny today. I need to complain to someone, and I know everyone I know IRL will tell me “you wanted this.” And I need to not hear that right now. Yes, I did want this. Yes, I still do want this. More than anything in the world. Being pregnant is amazing. It also sucks.<br /><br />I was 12 weeks on Saturday. Morning Sickness has been with me since last week sometime. I’m over it. I’m also sick of food aversions and never wanting to eat, until I do. And when I DO want to eat, it’s always when I can’t. And when I CAN eat, everything sounds/tastes disgusting. The Hubs says he can’t look at me while I eat right now, because I always look like I’m going to immediately throw up anything that passes through my lips. I might. And THAT is frustrating. SO frustrating.<br /><br /> The food issue has brought me to tears on numerous occasions. I can’t go grocery shopping because everything looks gross, so I don’t buy anything. The result is no food in the house. I put off eating as long as I can, because I hate trying to force things down my throat. And then I get worried that I’m not eating enough, or healthy enough. Any solutions to this would be greatly appreciated.<br /><br />Also? Sleep is not happening. At least not when it’s supposed to. I’ll go to bed early (when I can) and toss and turn because I can’t find a comfortable position. When I finally do and finally drift off to sleep, it’s almost time to wake up. And then I fall asleep at work. Or worse, I start to drift off in my car when I’m driving to and from work! And I work 35-45 minutes away from my house! That’s scary.<br /><br />AND I’m really hating being touched right now. My skin crawls when people hug me, and The Hubs is getting his feelings hurt because I want nothing to do with him right now. I like knowing he’s beside me, but not too close, and not touching me. And I HATE kissing. I feel so bad, because I haven’t really seen him in about a month due to the play I’m in, but I just can’t do it! <br /><br />And of course, money is tight. How are we supposed to have a baby and provide for it when we are having a rough time getting by ourselves? STRESS! STRESS! STRESS! <br /><br />And I’m stressed because I’m stressed. Help?Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-17888665924760080742009-08-07T13:17:00.001-04:002009-08-07T13:17:40.014-04:00I'm alive!There’s way too much to talk about, so I’m going to have to resort to the dreaded bullet points. (I have no idea why bullet points are so dreaded. Honestly, I don’t mind reading them. Maybe it’s something that actual writers have a problem with? I dunno.)<br /><br /><br />~ A couple of weeks ago, The Hubs and I took a much needed trip away. I had a family reunion in Gettysburg, PA, so we took a long weekend and pretended it was a vacation. It’s the first time we’ve been out of town (for pleasure) since our honeymoon 3 ½ years ago, and we have no idea when we’re going to be able to get away again, so this was it. We had a lot of fun, but it went by way too fast- and we didn’t get to see or do as much as we would have liked to. Hopefully we’ll be going back next year!<br /><br />~ The play I’m in? It opens TONIGHT! EEK! I was super calm until this morning, when I realized that I’m actually going to be performing in front of PEOPLE! People that I know! What if I mess up? What if my baby steals my brain cells and I completely blank out in the middle of a sentence? (again.) Plus, I’m supposed to be kind of the comic relief of the show, so there’s no pressure there at all……. Wish me luck!<br /><br />~ I’m so very very tired! I know pregnant women are supposed to keep active, but, until a couple of days ago, I had been going going going like the energizer bunny for WEEKS! I called off of work Wednesday, because my body did not want to move. At all. It took everything in my power to walk from the bedroom to the bathroom across the hall. I took that as a sign that I was overdoing it a little and called off of work. Of course, my dog decided that he was going to be really needy that day, so I wasn’t off of my feet as much as I would have liked, but, you know, whatever.<br /><br />~ Went to the RE for my NT scan today. He said that all of the measurements look good, and I need to go back in about a week to discuss the results of the blood work part. I’m not worried, though. After that consultation, I will be released from them. I guess I should start looking for a regular OB now, huh? I’ve never had a regular OB/GYN before… kinda nervous to start shopping for one now! I have no idea what I’m even supposed to look for! Do I interview them (like in Knocked Up) or do I just go in for an appt and see if I like it? I’m really excited to be finally almost done with my first trimester, but I’m also really sad that I won’t be getting to take a peek inside my uterus every 2 weeks. It was really nice to have that reassurance, you know?<br /><br />~ Last week was my 10 year high school reunion. CRAZY! Not too many people showed up. Out of a class of about 300, only 50 people came. Most of them were the people that I had expected to see anyway, so it wasn’t really all that surprising (thank you, facebook) but it’s really strange to say that I have been to my 10 year reunion! Time flies, huh? The best part? I got to sit around and talk about babies with the other pregnant/mommy people! I’m so glad I have this little nugget inside of me- otherwise I probably would have been hiding out in the ladies room all night.<br /><br /><br />I don’t really remember where I was going with this, so I’ll end it here. I haven’t had time really to catch up with too many people. How are you all doing??Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-49287682584682659222009-07-22T11:16:00.000-04:002009-07-22T11:17:26.274-04:0017 years ago today....17 years ago today I found out that my grandpa had died. 17 years. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been so long, and other times it seems like forever…<br /><br />I want to tell you all about him, but I’m not sure that words can capture the man that he was. He was an army veteran and a veteran’s advocate. He worked blue collar jobs, and was president of his local VFW chapter. He didn’t have a lot of money, but would give you the shirt off of his back (literally) if you needed it. He opened his home to anyone in need. He never swore. Even in combat. He thought that using swear words meant that you had a limited vocabulary. If he was at home, and sitting, he was probably asleep or falling asleep. He snored. Loudly. He smoked a lot. He taught his last dog how to bark by getting down on his hands and knees in the living room and making barking noises at her. He looked larger than life in a business suit (his normal attire) and short and frail in a sweat suit. He had a pair of pants that he called his “snicker” pants- they were so crazy and ugly that people would “snicker” at him when he wore them. He loved them! He used to come over on Saturday mornings and bring me doughnuts from Krispy Kreme that had pink icing and sprinkles.<br /><br />He was one of my favorite people the whole world.<br /><br />I saw him the night he died. I was at Acme with my mom and he and my Gram walked in the door while we were going toward the check-out. I was excited because I was supposed to go to a pool party the next day. They suggested that they pick me up and take me to dinner afterwards (to celebrate my good last report card.) It was going to be the BEST DAY EVER! <br /><br />I remember the last hug I gave my grandpa. I always gave him my best hugs. I remember that I didn’t want to let go, so while I was walking away, I ran my hand down his arm and held his hand until we weren’t close enough to touch anymore. He smiled. <br /><br />My Gram told me, later, that the last conversation they ever had was about where to take me for dinner. <br /><br />HUNDREDS of people came to pay their respects at his viewing. People were lined up outside the building and down the block to say goodbye to the man that I called “Grandpa.” Even at 10 years old, I was in awe of the number of lives that he touched. <br /><br />17 years ago, and I can remember it like it was yesterday. 17 years feels like a lifetime. <br /><br />I love you, Grandpa. Even after 17 years, I can still feel you with me. I pray that I can teach my children the values that you instilled in me during the short time we existed on this planet together. I know that, when I hear the first cry of my baby, you will be smiling down on us with pride and celebration.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-8247244293501746502009-07-15T09:52:00.002-04:002009-07-15T10:53:22.452-04:00IF in Hollywood(ish)On the 4th of July, the Hallmark Channel showed a series of movies that I had been wanting to watch, so I recorded them. They were about a frontier family surviving in the 1880’s and beyond. I’m pretty sure they’re based on books, and they all had the word Love in the title. Anyway, that’s not important.<br /><br />I had been watching a movie here and there when I’ve had time. Last night I finished the series with the movie “Love finds a Home.” This movie made me, as someone who struggled with IF for two years, SOOOOOOOO INCREDIBLY ANGRY! I mean, I guess it was what I should have expected, but I was really hoping it would be handled differently.<br /><br />The movie is set in a small town in Missouri. A woman (Belinda) is the town’s doctor, and her very pregnant friend (Annie), also a doctor, comes to visit during the last stages of her pregnancy. Belinda is very excited to see her friend, but is conflicted at the same time. Belinda and her husband have been trying for an unspecified amount of time to get pregnant, and haven’t had any luck.<br /><br />The actress who played Belinda did a really good job in portraying the conflicting feelings that often accompanies IF. The movie did a really good job in handling the issue. There is even a scene where Belinda is telling Annie how hard it is for her to be around people who are pregnant, and how she almost resents a lot of people she knows who have lots of kids and have never really tried. I could really identify with this part of the story.<br /><br />Later on in the movie, Annie is having complications, and Belinda thinks that it would be best for Annie to stay until after the baby is born. They telegraph Annie’s husband and mother in law to tell them of the recent events, and Annie’s Mother in Law (played by the always fabulous Patty Duke), who is a midwife, decides that she needs to be there. The Doctor (Belinda) and the midwife don’t see eye to eye… blah, blah, blah plot stuff.<br /><br />Eventually, the mother in law ( I really can’t remember the character’s name) finds out that Belinda is barren. Because she’s a midwife, and knows this stuff, she gives Belinda some unsolicited advice. Can you guess what it was? I bet you can…..<br /><br />The advice: Relax. Read a book before bed. This is the magical cure for infertility.<br /><br />At this point, I screamed at the television.<br /><br />Belinda, being the doctor, thought it was a bunch of crap. (YAY BELINDA) More plot stuff happened, and Belinda and the mother in law ended up learning from each other, in true Hallmark Movie fashion. At the end of the movie, guess what happened? (I bet you can guess this one, too.) That’s right, kids! Belinda decides that she’ll start reading a book before bed. And THEN guess what?! The movie ended with her getting pregnant. Surprise!<br /><br />Look, if you know me in real life, you know that I am a sucker for cheesy movies with happy endings. I usually cry. This one, though, even though it was really good in parts, made me want to throw my TV through a wall.<br /><br />Did anyone else in Bloggy Land see this movie? What did you think? Is there a movie or book you have read that gave you a reaction similar to mine?Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-10331586073350879892009-07-14T13:30:00.000-04:002009-07-14T13:31:02.118-04:00Dreams and RealityAll through this pregnancy so far, I’ve been led and comforted by dreams. For example:<br /><br />~ I can’t remember the first dream I had, but I woke up that morning with the very strong feeling that I needed to take a HPT. And I know that strong feeling was a direct result of the dream I had that night. The test was positive.<br /><br />~ Before my 6w appt, when I was supposed to see the heartbeat, I had a dream that I could feel the heartbeat when I put my hand on my stomach. I knew it was the baby’s because it was really fast, but strong. I saw the heartbeat on the u/s monitor<br /><br />~ This morning, I woke up a little bit worried, because I had had a dream that I woke up to lots of blood. I went to the Dr (in the dream), and they told me that I wasn’t miscarrying, but I couldn’t remember what the cause was. I went to the Dr this morning, and had a pap done. (yay.) The Dr told me that I would have some spotting afterward (which I’ve never had before when I’ve had that done), but it wouldn’t cause a loss. Good thing he warned me! I went to give the urine sample and there was REALLY HEAVY spotting going on. I guess that explains last night’s dream.<br /><br />I really hope these dreams keep on coming…. It’s really nice to get a little bit of Divine comfort every now and then! ( And I truly believe that these dreams are God’s way of speaking to me. It really keeps my anxiety in check, which is probably the reason for them. I’m sure high anxiety is not good for the baby!)<br /><br />**************************************************<br /><br />I heard the heartbeat today! It was so strong! I really have a living person growing inside of me. It’s still so hard to believe……. Amazing.<br /><br />**************************************************<br /><br />I had to stop in the Motherhood (maternity) store yesterday to pick up a Bella Band. (Suddenly, all of 2 pairs of my pants fit me, and they won’t for long!) When you buy something there, they give you a “gift bag” full of coupons and samples. The one I got yesterday had a bottle in it. Just a small, plain, baby bottle.<br /><br />I’ve seen MILLIONS of bottles before- but when I picked it up, it felt like it was the first time I had ever held one. It was MINE. For MY baby. And in seven months, I will be using that bottle to feed MY baby. I could almost feel the weight of the baby in my automatically crooked arm. I could almost see the sweet little face looking up at me with the wise, knowing eyes that most people are born with. For the first time in 2 months, I felt a real attachment to the baby I am carrying. For the first time, it felt real.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-76862502239476760442009-07-08T14:35:00.000-04:002009-07-08T14:36:39.595-04:00Life in general.I haven’t been posting much. I feel like a bad blogger. I guess it doesn’t matter much, though, since about 10 people read my blog! I have been updating my Twitter QUITE often, though, so follow me!<br /><br />Things have been really crazy around these parts lately. I’ve been having a lot of fatigue/ dizziness/ headaches lately. Not so fun at work- especially when I sit under florescent lights and stare at a computer screen all day. By early afternoon every day, I end up sitting at my desk and crying. Good times!<br /><br />I’m an actress! I’m in a play that my BFF is directing. It’s a small role, and all proceeds are going to support the Children’s Hospital, so it’s really worth it to me….. The downside? It makes for REALLY long days and gives me a lot less time to sleep at night. I’ve only been rehearsing 1-2 days a week, but after next week I will be there EVERY SINGLE NIGHT until the show closes in mid-August. My poor husband! (and his poor arteries! Every time he has to cook for himself, its deep fried something. I hope my doing this show doesn’t cause him to have a heart attack! My baby needs a daddy!)<br /><br />Our Holiday weekend was really low-key. Everyone congregated over at my mom’s house and sat around and then we all went to fireworks. As much as I LOVE big celebrating on holidays, it’s really nice to have a quiet one every once in a while. <br /><br />*****************<br /><br />On a more somber note, my husband’s grandfather passed away yesterday afternoon. He was such a sweet, funny, kind hearted man- definitely my favorite of his grandparents. The last time I saw him was on Father’s Day, when we told them about the baby. He looked better than I had seen him look in a REALLY long time, and we were all joking around and talking about baby stuff. <br /><br />He was 90 years old. He and his wife lived by themselves in a trailer until about 2 months ago, when they moved to a nursing home because she has been having a lot of back pain and can’t move herself around. He took care of her single-handedly for so many years! Did he finally let go because he knew she would be taken care of? <br /><br />It’s going to be so strange to not have him around. He was an amazing man, and he will be greatly missed.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-22520668644488882632009-06-30T10:27:00.003-04:002009-06-30T10:38:00.688-04:00We Have a Heartbeat!I got to see the heartbeat this morning! And I cried a little bit :) I did end up bringing my friend with me. She only got 1 ultrasound with her baby, so it was a cool experience for her to see the heartbeat, too. <br /><br />I thought it would all feel real now that I saw it, but it still doesn't! I guess maybe that's how life works, huh? Am I excited, though? You better believe it!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-8728873703635018002009-06-29T15:06:00.002-04:002009-06-29T15:12:19.162-04:00Thanks! and NervousThanks to everyone who reassured me that I'm not a terrible person for hating morning sickness! <br /><br />I'll definitely ask my Dr about Unisom and B12 when I go in tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous for this ultrasound! I know way too many people who have gone to this one only to hear that they aren't having a viable pregnancy. I know I saw the yolk sac last week, and that's a good sign, but I'm so scared that there won't be a heartbeat! I'm especially nervous, because The Hubs can't make it to the appt with me tomorrow. I have a friend who said she'd come with me, but I can't decide if I'd rather go alone. <br /><br />Please keep me and the Bean in your prayers. I'll let you all know what I find when I get back tomorrow!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-3710025060395915972009-06-26T13:52:00.001-04:002009-06-26T13:52:41.844-04:00Nobody told me the first trimester sucks!...Or maybe they did, and I just thought they were exaggerating. I mean, really, how much could it suck, right? You’re PREGNANT! There’s a person growing inside of you! You should be SMILING as you puke your guts up, right?<br /><br />Well, I did smile the first couple of mornings that I woke up with the nausea that never ends. I was humming a happy tune as I dry heaved over the toilet at work. I laughed when I became too bloated (and constipated) to button my pants. Because I’m growing a person! After 2 years of trying, I actually got knocked up!<br /><br />And then reality hit. Constant nausea sucks ass. Constipation should be a four letter word. I know I need to eat, but NOTHING tastes good, and I gag while trying to force feed myself. Having to sit at work, under florescent lights, and stare at a computer screen with a screaming headache, and not being able to take anything for it is a special kind of torture. I don’t know how pregnant women function. Maybe I’m a wuss, but I’m having a REALLY hard time getting through this first trimester…..<br /><br />And I feel so bad for complaining. I’ve wanted this for so long, I feel like I don’t have the right to be frustrated with the crap that comes along with the first trimester. I feel like I should be dancing around everywhere with a perma-grin on my face.<br /><br />Yeah, I don’t have that. <br /><br />I do take comfort in my sickness a little bit, however, because I know it means the Bean is still growing in there. I’ll be even more at ease once I see the heartbeat on Tuesday. Until then, it doesn’t really feel real. I just feel sick. Constantly.Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7111236446028414396.post-2241457308145205742009-06-23T12:40:00.000-04:002009-06-23T12:41:52.668-04:00Two years in the making…<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">I’m PREGNANT!</span></strong><br /><br />Ok, now that I got that out of the way, I’ll backtrack and let you know what’s been going on.<br /><br />Sunday, June 7<br />I woke up feeling like I should test. Now, I’m not someone who likes to test a lot. I’d rather have a visit from AF than get a BFN. After I took the test, I sat there and held it for a little while, waiting to see if I could see anything develop. And I did! A faint little line appeared! I was sure that I was seeing things, so I yelled down to The Hubs to take a look at the test and tell me what he saw. His words “I see a line, why? What does that mean?” Of course, I told him. And of course, he was in denial! I don’t think it sunk in until a couple of days later, when he told his boss he was going to have to start looking for a second job.<br /><br />We decided to wait to say anything to anyone.<br /><br />Later that week (16dpo) I went to the RE for a blood test. Beta #1 confirmed that I was, indeed, in the family way, with a number of <strong>73</strong>. I was hoping for something over 100, but 73 was a nice number. Beta #2 on 18dpo jumped to <strong>209</strong>, which is better than I had dared to hope! <br /><br />This morning I had my first ultrasound. It was too early to see the heartbeat yet, but we got to see the yolk sac, and that means it’s not ectopic. If you measure from the first day of my last period, I’m supposed to be 6w5d. The ultrasound, however, measured me at 5w6d. It’s not that big of a deal, but it makes me feel better to know that it’s earlier than I had calculated. I had suspected that I had implanted a little late, and I think that might be what was causing the lower beta numbers.<br /><br /><br />We decided to wait until Father’s Day to reveal the news to our families- which is why this post is so late. There are people that read my blog that I know in real life, and I wanted to be able to tell them in person before I told the internet. It was SOOOOOO HARD to keep this a secret from you all- although, if you follow me on twitter, you probably have already figured it out!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01887360369268725280noreply@blogger.com19