Dreams and Reality

All through this pregnancy so far, I’ve been led and comforted by dreams. For example:

~ I can’t remember the first dream I had, but I woke up that morning with the very strong feeling that I needed to take a HPT. And I know that strong feeling was a direct result of the dream I had that night. The test was positive.

~ Before my 6w appt, when I was supposed to see the heartbeat, I had a dream that I could feel the heartbeat when I put my hand on my stomach. I knew it was the baby’s because it was really fast, but strong. I saw the heartbeat on the u/s monitor

~ This morning, I woke up a little bit worried, because I had had a dream that I woke up to lots of blood. I went to the Dr (in the dream), and they told me that I wasn’t miscarrying, but I couldn’t remember what the cause was. I went to the Dr this morning, and had a pap done. (yay.) The Dr told me that I would have some spotting afterward (which I’ve never had before when I’ve had that done), but it wouldn’t cause a loss. Good thing he warned me! I went to give the urine sample and there was REALLY HEAVY spotting going on. I guess that explains last night’s dream.

I really hope these dreams keep on coming…. It’s really nice to get a little bit of Divine comfort every now and then! ( And I truly believe that these dreams are God’s way of speaking to me. It really keeps my anxiety in check, which is probably the reason for them. I’m sure high anxiety is not good for the baby!)

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I heard the heartbeat today! It was so strong! I really have a living person growing inside of me. It’s still so hard to believe……. Amazing.

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I had to stop in the Motherhood (maternity) store yesterday to pick up a Bella Band. (Suddenly, all of 2 pairs of my pants fit me, and they won’t for long!) When you buy something there, they give you a “gift bag” full of coupons and samples. The one I got yesterday had a bottle in it. Just a small, plain, baby bottle.

I’ve seen MILLIONS of bottles before- but when I picked it up, it felt like it was the first time I had ever held one. It was MINE. For MY baby. And in seven months, I will be using that bottle to feed MY baby. I could almost feel the weight of the baby in my automatically crooked arm. I could almost see the sweet little face looking up at me with the wise, knowing eyes that most people are born with. For the first time in 2 months, I felt a real attachment to the baby I am carrying. For the first time, it felt real.

Bring on the rain...

I’m hopeful today…. Which usually means I’m about to get some bad news. I hate to think like that, but that’s generally how life hits me.

I started taking the cinnamon over the weekend. So much nicer on my intestines than Met! I’m pretty sure it’s working, too, because I didn’t have much to eat yesterday before church, and ended up having my sugar drop while grocery shopping. Luckily, we were grocery shopping and there was some soda (which I rarely drink) available. I didn’t start the vitex, because my local health food store was out of stock, and the supply I ordered online hasn’t arrived yet. I’ll update on that once I get it. I’m so excited to start getting healthy! I feel good. I can’t remember the last time I was able to say that. PLEASE God, don’t let this feeling go away….

Expect Miracles

A couple of weekends ago, I was at a festival and saw this bracelet.



I had to stop and stare at it for a few minutes because it struck me so hard. All I could think about was how I wished I could buy one for every single wonderful woman that I have "met" through blogging.



When you're trying to have a baby, especially when you are experiencing infertility, every single month, no matter how hard you try not to, you get your hopes up (even if it's just a little tiny bit... because there's always a chance!) and every single month there is a bfn and every single month it gets harder and harder. That bracelet, to me, represented hope.



Even if you are already a mother, or you're not looking to beceome one, we all have things in our lives that we just need a little bit of hope for. In this economy, for example, there is a lot of struggling and fear. Maybe you're in fear of you or a family member losing your job. Maybe you're wondering how you're going to put food on the table or pay for your next tank of gas. Maybe it's something completely different.



So, I guess, this is my poor (wo)man's way of wishing you all a miracle. I can't affored to buy every single one of you a bracelet, and even if I could, I'd have no idea where to send it. Let this be your bracelet. Let this be your hope. Expect Miracles.