I don’t know what my major malfunction is right now, but I know I have one. I can’t decide if it’s my crazy hormones, the fact that we are solidly in what I call the “gray season” in Ohio (basically from October through April) and SAD is starting to set in, or if it’s just because this past week has been just a series of “bad days” and it’s really wearing on me.
This is what I know:
*I am not as deliriously happy as I should be right now.
*I’m tired ALL THE TIME, sore, achy, and sinus-y.
*I have a really hard time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, and then I can only stay comfortable for a couple of hours (at the most) before my hips/back/ arms hurt so bad that they wake me up.
*The first thing I do in the morning when my alarm goes off for work is cry. I’m so sick of my job (Which I know I am lucky to have, and I know is a good job) that I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than go into work. And I’m sick of crying at work. It’s unprofessional, and it makes me look bad. It can be triggered by something here, or it can just come out of nowhere.
*My house is a mess, and I have no desire or energy to clean it.
* I’m sick of watching every bite of food that goes in my mouth. I’m tired of eating and eating protein and veggies, only to be super hungry again 30 minutes later and not being able to eat for another 1.5 hours.
*For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is cry. Constantly.
I’m miserable, and I just want it to be February already!
The Hubs has been so great through all of this, though. I know it bothers him that I’m sad all of the time, but he lets me just be sad. He sits with me and holds me and reassures me. He tries his hardest to make sure I’m comfortable, and doesn’t get offended when I snap at him for no reason. I couldn’t ask for a better support person right now. I wish, for his sake, that I could just snap out of this funk.
Something’s gotta give, but what that something is, I have NO idea….
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
stress!
Pregnancy is the most amazing, most uncomfortable experience I have ever had.
I’m very tired and whiny today. I need to complain to someone, and I know everyone I know IRL will tell me “you wanted this.” And I need to not hear that right now. Yes, I did want this. Yes, I still do want this. More than anything in the world. Being pregnant is amazing. It also sucks.
I was 12 weeks on Saturday. Morning Sickness has been with me since last week sometime. I’m over it. I’m also sick of food aversions and never wanting to eat, until I do. And when I DO want to eat, it’s always when I can’t. And when I CAN eat, everything sounds/tastes disgusting. The Hubs says he can’t look at me while I eat right now, because I always look like I’m going to immediately throw up anything that passes through my lips. I might. And THAT is frustrating. SO frustrating.
The food issue has brought me to tears on numerous occasions. I can’t go grocery shopping because everything looks gross, so I don’t buy anything. The result is no food in the house. I put off eating as long as I can, because I hate trying to force things down my throat. And then I get worried that I’m not eating enough, or healthy enough. Any solutions to this would be greatly appreciated.
Also? Sleep is not happening. At least not when it’s supposed to. I’ll go to bed early (when I can) and toss and turn because I can’t find a comfortable position. When I finally do and finally drift off to sleep, it’s almost time to wake up. And then I fall asleep at work. Or worse, I start to drift off in my car when I’m driving to and from work! And I work 35-45 minutes away from my house! That’s scary.
AND I’m really hating being touched right now. My skin crawls when people hug me, and The Hubs is getting his feelings hurt because I want nothing to do with him right now. I like knowing he’s beside me, but not too close, and not touching me. And I HATE kissing. I feel so bad, because I haven’t really seen him in about a month due to the play I’m in, but I just can’t do it!
And of course, money is tight. How are we supposed to have a baby and provide for it when we are having a rough time getting by ourselves? STRESS! STRESS! STRESS!
And I’m stressed because I’m stressed. Help?
I’m very tired and whiny today. I need to complain to someone, and I know everyone I know IRL will tell me “you wanted this.” And I need to not hear that right now. Yes, I did want this. Yes, I still do want this. More than anything in the world. Being pregnant is amazing. It also sucks.
I was 12 weeks on Saturday. Morning Sickness has been with me since last week sometime. I’m over it. I’m also sick of food aversions and never wanting to eat, until I do. And when I DO want to eat, it’s always when I can’t. And when I CAN eat, everything sounds/tastes disgusting. The Hubs says he can’t look at me while I eat right now, because I always look like I’m going to immediately throw up anything that passes through my lips. I might. And THAT is frustrating. SO frustrating.
The food issue has brought me to tears on numerous occasions. I can’t go grocery shopping because everything looks gross, so I don’t buy anything. The result is no food in the house. I put off eating as long as I can, because I hate trying to force things down my throat. And then I get worried that I’m not eating enough, or healthy enough. Any solutions to this would be greatly appreciated.
Also? Sleep is not happening. At least not when it’s supposed to. I’ll go to bed early (when I can) and toss and turn because I can’t find a comfortable position. When I finally do and finally drift off to sleep, it’s almost time to wake up. And then I fall asleep at work. Or worse, I start to drift off in my car when I’m driving to and from work! And I work 35-45 minutes away from my house! That’s scary.
AND I’m really hating being touched right now. My skin crawls when people hug me, and The Hubs is getting his feelings hurt because I want nothing to do with him right now. I like knowing he’s beside me, but not too close, and not touching me. And I HATE kissing. I feel so bad, because I haven’t really seen him in about a month due to the play I’m in, but I just can’t do it!
And of course, money is tight. How are we supposed to have a baby and provide for it when we are having a rough time getting by ourselves? STRESS! STRESS! STRESS!
And I’m stressed because I’m stressed. Help?
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