In which I whine and complain

I don’t know what my major malfunction is right now, but I know I have one. I can’t decide if it’s my crazy hormones, the fact that we are solidly in what I call the “gray season” in Ohio (basically from October through April) and SAD is starting to set in, or if it’s just because this past week has been just a series of “bad days” and it’s really wearing on me.

This is what I know:
*I am not as deliriously happy as I should be right now.
*I’m tired ALL THE TIME, sore, achy, and sinus-y.
*I have a really hard time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, and then I can only stay comfortable for a couple of hours (at the most) before my hips/back/ arms hurt so bad that they wake me up.
*The first thing I do in the morning when my alarm goes off for work is cry. I’m so sick of my job (Which I know I am lucky to have, and I know is a good job) that I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than go into work. And I’m sick of crying at work. It’s unprofessional, and it makes me look bad. It can be triggered by something here, or it can just come out of nowhere.
*My house is a mess, and I have no desire or energy to clean it.
* I’m sick of watching every bite of food that goes in my mouth. I’m tired of eating and eating protein and veggies, only to be super hungry again 30 minutes later and not being able to eat for another 1.5 hours.

*For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is cry. Constantly.

I’m miserable, and I just want it to be February already!

The Hubs has been so great through all of this, though. I know it bothers him that I’m sad all of the time, but he lets me just be sad. He sits with me and holds me and reassures me. He tries his hardest to make sure I’m comfortable, and doesn’t get offended when I snap at him for no reason. I couldn’t ask for a better support person right now. I wish, for his sake, that I could just snap out of this funk.

Something’s gotta give, but what that something is, I have NO idea….

lunch time phone convo

The Hubs: So, how are you feeling?



Me: Um, fine.... why?



The Hubs: No, I mean, do you feel anything? Like, do you feel a baby yet?



(I'm 3dpo)



I'm glad he's optimistic this cycle. Let's just hope his optimism turns into a baby.

Earwax (not suitable for sensitive stomachs)

I have a STRONG aversion to bodily secretions and certain bodily functions. I also hate body hair. If I had my way, the only hair ANYONE would have would be on their head. Some facial hair on men is acceptable, but that's it. Seriously. the most attractive thing to me about Michael Phelps is that he has to shave everything off to swim... but I digress.....



I never understood those couples that talk about popping each other's zits or using each other's tooth brushes. I understand that we swap spit when we kiss and stuff, but I don't want to have my husband's plaque in my mouth. Ew. And the zit popping thing makes me dry heave.



So today I was talking about how I need new ear buds (the kind with the rubber part that goes into the ear canal) because the normal plastic ones really hurt my little ears. The Hubs kindly offered to switch with me, because that's the kind that he has and he doesn't like them. I was all for it (even though they're black, and I want a fun color like pink to match my nano) until he handed them to me. (This is going to make me sick just typing it. Bear with me here, people.) Right on one of the rubber parts was a great big orange glob of EARWAX. That's right. Wax. From his ear. And he wanted me to put them in MY ears and test them out. Men are gross. I mean, seriously, would YOU do it?



So tell me, SITStas, does this gross you out as much as it does me? What grosses you out? (Do I really want to know?!)

If I didn't know any better...

Honestly, if I had ovulated since ummm February, I’d think I was pregnant. Since I haven’t ovulated in MONTHS, though, I know I’m not, and all this crap going on with my body is freaking annoying! Wanna know what I’m whining about?



First, smells are SOOOOO potent right now. And my gag reflex is up. Way up. Never in my life have I actually gagged at smells…. Now I dry heave. In public. I know, gross, right?



Also, I’ve been eating like crazy… and not good stuff. Yesterday morning we went out to breakfast. I had french toast AND biscuits and sausage gravy. I ate it all. In like 10 minutes. I don’t think I ate for the rest of the day, but still! I’ve been eating like that for a week now! At least! Actually, I probably could have lived off of hamburgers for a week, because that’s the only thing that has sounded good to me, even though I’ve eaten everything else in sight.



AND! I look pregnant! Honestly, I was looking at my silhouette in the mirror yesterday, and if I totally could tell people I was preggers and they’d believe me. My tummy has never been small, and it’s probably because of all of the CRAP that I’ve been eating, but GEEZ! I could be 6 months along!



I’ve been having a REALLY hard time falling asleep and staying that way at night, and then, of course, I have a really hard time waking up in the morning and, you know, functioning and stuff. And the dreams that I’ve been having? SO strange!



The Hubs, poor guy, keeps asking “Are you SURE? Should we get a test?” and every time I explain to him that “no, it’s not possible, I haven’t had an egg ready to be fertilized since the cold cold winter months AND have been given pregnancy tests since then”, I think he dies a little. Poor guy. (I’m pretty sure the punctuation in that sentence is ALL wrong, but whatever.)



Tomorrow is the rescheduled SA. The Hubs is pretty psyched for it, and has no doubts that it will be smooth sailing. Wish us luck!

The Hubs would kill me for posting this....

I know he doesn't want all of his business posted all over the net, but I'm trying SO hard not to cry right now....................................... The Hubs had finally made an appointment for his SA this morning. I was SO excited to be able to move on with the process. I just got a call from him saying that he needed to reschedule because he couldn't get it to "shoot into the cup" and that he told me that he couldn't do it in the morning. Well, dude, you don't really have a choice. So he called and rescheduled for the 29th. I guess I can wait since I waited so long to begin with, but DARNIT! This SUCKS!!



Whatever Wednesday will happen....but not until later in the day.

Mercury must be in Retrograde

I have no idea what that means, but every time I hear it, it makes me think of people going crazy and bad things happening. It seems to me that the last few days have been that way....





I found out (reaffirmed?) that my husband's boss sucks at life. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty here, but let's just say that he's completely two-faced has lost my complete respect. Again. And he was FINALLY starting to win it back after our big blow up 2 years ago. (Yes, I had words with my husband's boss. He contacted me via email and basically called me a bad wife. The Hubs almost quit and it actually almost came to blows.) The Hubs loves his job, though, so it REALLY sucks...... I hope that this turn of events isn't going to lead us down the road that I see it headed. Past behavior is the best predictor for future behavior,right? I'm so worried right now, I think I might puke.



A good friend of mine called the other night. I didn't pick up because I was sleeping, and I just figured he was on his way home from work (he's a chef) and forgot that I have a normal people job and get up in the morning. Turns out he was in a really bad way. His fiance had just freaked out on him, aborted his child, and returned the very expensive engagement ring that he bought her.... one day after the return policy was up. He's (understandably) torn into a million pieces right now, and there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I can't even give him a real hug, because he's in FL and I'm in OH. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.... he's such an amazing person and would have been an incredible father. He really wanted that baby.............................



Another amazing friend and co-worker came up to me today to tell me about some problems she was having with her boyfriend. She is such a strong person, and to see tears glistening in her eyes almost brought me to my knees.



I love being the person that my friends turn to for advice. I love being the person that will lend an ear and a shoulder. I love knowing that people think I'm dependable and knowledgable enough to share their problems with. I love feeling like I'm helping. I HATE, however, hearing that my friends are in a bad way and not being able to do ANYTHING to fix it. Why can't everyone just be happy all the time? A little drama here and there is ok, but I just don't understand how some people can be so CRUEL... especially to people who are so amazing.

Babymaking update

I do have a little bit of news on the TTC (trying to conceive, for all of those not in the know) front. Nothing as exciting as a beautiful little blob growing in my uterus, but we're taking steps in the right direction. The Hubs FINALLY aggreed to get his swimmers checked out. He claims that he's been meaning to make the appointment for a really long time (like MONTHS!) but he kept forgetting. I finally gently reminded him on a day when he happened to be off of work with no excuses. Honestly, I think he was/is afraid. I don't blame him, but I don't really feel all that bad for him since I've been getting almost routinely violated since about right after we got married 2.5 years ago and I got diagnosed with PCOS. His appointment is for this Wednesday morning (2 more days!) I can't wait........ because he's decided that we need to abstain until after his test, so he can put his best foot forward, so to speak. Also, I want to get this baby train going.



We also talked a bit last night about our time table as far as adopting. We agreed that we would give it another year to conceive on our own(ish), and then we would look into adopting. If all goes well, I should be a mommy by the time I'm 30 in one way or another. It's kind of late as far as my "plan" goes, but I guess plans change, and we all have to learn to roll with the punches, right? Isn't that a major part of parenthood? I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole situation, even though it gets harder to do every time I see the chubby goodness which is a baby.



Also, I might be a masochist. I keep putting myself in situations where I'm forced to be around adorableness all of the time. I've been watching "the baby borrowers" on ABC. It's good education, but they couldn't have picked more adorable kids to use! I was watching last week's episode over the weekend and bawling my eyes out because they're just SO CUTE! Right?! The Hubs and I went to a minor league baseball game on Thursday night. It must have been family night or something, because there were about a million kids there under the age of 5..... which happens to be my favorite kind. (This happened to be the day that Fertility Friend decided that I didn't ovulate after all, like it had been telling me for almost 2 weeks. We left after the 5th inning because I don't think the whole ballpark wanted to witness a meltdown.) Also this weekend (am I crazy? I think I am) I went to a festival that is within walking distance of my sister's abode. In case you didn't know, there are almost ALWAYS adorable children there. Little girls in cute little dresses and hairbows... little boys in baseball caps....... UGH! And then there is the obligatory pregnant teenager. There's always at least one. Or 2. Or, you know, 5. ::rolls eyes::



SO please send some positive vibes my way until Wednesday (well, actually my husband's way) for super sperm. If all is well with him, we can get me good and medicated and ovulating. HOW EXCITING IS THAT!?

My Husband Rocks Friday

I was introduced to this really GREAT idea while readig one of my new favorite blogs, Staci's Heart. To read about how My Husband Rocks Friday was born, click on the icon in my sidebar.



My Husband Rocks for SO many reasons. We obviously have occasional bumps in the road as we adjust to being married and homeowners, but I can't think of anyone I would rather take with me on this journey.



Today my Husband ROCKS because he spent his entire day off mowing his parent's lawn. My father in law recently had surgery on his hand and can't do much. Today the Hubs had the day off and decided to spend the entire day helping out at his parent's house. He also spent almost every day last week over there taking care of them. He is such an incredible person and an incredible partner and I am SO lucky and blessed to have found him.

I'm a little bit nervous

I have to get this off of my chest. I worry about this from time to time, and with the economy going as it is, my worry comes in great waves that block my mind of pretty much everything else.



My husband works for a small company that provides promotional “thank you” materials for car dealerships and real estate agents. In his area, he works directly under the owner of the company. It’s only a small company, so he doesn’t make much in the way of the dinero, but he loves his job, and that’s worth more than a million dollars. He has job security…. Basically, the only thing that can make him jobless is if the company folds. That’s pretty much what I’m afraid of.



Obviously, this company depends on the dealerships to order their product. With the economy going how it is, there have been many dealerships that just can’t afford to order their products. Honestly, if they weren’t being so aggressive in looking for new business, I’m pretty sure they would have folded a long time ago.



The worry I have is this: My husband, although very intelligent and capable, does not have a college degree. He has tried to go back multiple times, but can’t get in more than one semester before he’s completely over it. He also doesn’t have too much work experience. Most of the places he’s worked at have been the typical high school part time positions, and those types of jobs won’t help us survive. I just don’t know what he would do if something were to happen. They’re cutting down his working hours to 32 a week, and this is usually their busy time!



Please keep my husband’s company in your prayers. I know there are people so much worse off than us, but it would be a HUGE problem if something were to happen with this job. Thank you!

The best picture I've ever taken

Meet my boys :)