Tuesday, June 30, 2009

We Have a Heartbeat!

I got to see the heartbeat this morning! And I cried a little bit :) I did end up bringing my friend with me. She only got 1 ultrasound with her baby, so it was a cool experience for her to see the heartbeat, too.

I thought it would all feel real now that I saw it, but it still doesn't! I guess maybe that's how life works, huh? Am I excited, though? You better believe it!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Thanks! and Nervous

Thanks to everyone who reassured me that I'm not a terrible person for hating morning sickness!

I'll definitely ask my Dr about Unisom and B12 when I go in tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous for this ultrasound! I know way too many people who have gone to this one only to hear that they aren't having a viable pregnancy. I know I saw the yolk sac last week, and that's a good sign, but I'm so scared that there won't be a heartbeat! I'm especially nervous, because The Hubs can't make it to the appt with me tomorrow. I have a friend who said she'd come with me, but I can't decide if I'd rather go alone.

Please keep me and the Bean in your prayers. I'll let you all know what I find when I get back tomorrow!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Nobody told me the first trimester sucks!

...Or maybe they did, and I just thought they were exaggerating. I mean, really, how much could it suck, right? You’re PREGNANT! There’s a person growing inside of you! You should be SMILING as you puke your guts up, right?

Well, I did smile the first couple of mornings that I woke up with the nausea that never ends. I was humming a happy tune as I dry heaved over the toilet at work. I laughed when I became too bloated (and constipated) to button my pants. Because I’m growing a person! After 2 years of trying, I actually got knocked up!

And then reality hit. Constant nausea sucks ass. Constipation should be a four letter word. I know I need to eat, but NOTHING tastes good, and I gag while trying to force feed myself. Having to sit at work, under florescent lights, and stare at a computer screen with a screaming headache, and not being able to take anything for it is a special kind of torture. I don’t know how pregnant women function. Maybe I’m a wuss, but I’m having a REALLY hard time getting through this first trimester…..

And I feel so bad for complaining. I’ve wanted this for so long, I feel like I don’t have the right to be frustrated with the crap that comes along with the first trimester. I feel like I should be dancing around everywhere with a perma-grin on my face.

Yeah, I don’t have that.

I do take comfort in my sickness a little bit, however, because I know it means the Bean is still growing in there. I’ll be even more at ease once I see the heartbeat on Tuesday. Until then, it doesn’t really feel real. I just feel sick. Constantly.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Two years in the making…


Ok, now that I got that out of the way, I’ll backtrack and let you know what’s been going on.

Sunday, June 7
I woke up feeling like I should test. Now, I’m not someone who likes to test a lot. I’d rather have a visit from AF than get a BFN. After I took the test, I sat there and held it for a little while, waiting to see if I could see anything develop. And I did! A faint little line appeared! I was sure that I was seeing things, so I yelled down to The Hubs to take a look at the test and tell me what he saw. His words “I see a line, why? What does that mean?” Of course, I told him. And of course, he was in denial! I don’t think it sunk in until a couple of days later, when he told his boss he was going to have to start looking for a second job.

We decided to wait to say anything to anyone.

Later that week (16dpo) I went to the RE for a blood test. Beta #1 confirmed that I was, indeed, in the family way, with a number of 73. I was hoping for something over 100, but 73 was a nice number. Beta #2 on 18dpo jumped to 209, which is better than I had dared to hope!

This morning I had my first ultrasound. It was too early to see the heartbeat yet, but we got to see the yolk sac, and that means it’s not ectopic. If you measure from the first day of my last period, I’m supposed to be 6w5d. The ultrasound, however, measured me at 5w6d. It’s not that big of a deal, but it makes me feel better to know that it’s earlier than I had calculated. I had suspected that I had implanted a little late, and I think that might be what was causing the lower beta numbers.

We decided to wait until Father’s Day to reveal the news to our families- which is why this post is so late. There are people that read my blog that I know in real life, and I wanted to be able to tell them in person before I told the internet. It was SOOOOOO HARD to keep this a secret from you all- although, if you follow me on twitter, you probably have already figured it out!

Friday, June 12, 2009

My Husband ROCKS!

Not for any particular reason this week. I haven't actually seen him much.... But I love that I always know he'll take care of me when I break down into a bundle of nerves- and that happens more often than I'd care to admit. I love him, and I'm so happy to be sharing this journey with him!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

a day

I’m having a day. A crazy, hormonal, irrational, annoying myself day. I’m second guessing things that I was so calm about just yesterday. I’m irrationally angry at myself for being so irrational.

This is all so annoying. I just want to go home and crawl into my soft, safe, comfy bed and sleep through today.
I know this isn't really an update....... sorry about that.

Friday, June 5, 2009

...or Not to test

I’m pretty sure I won’t have to waste a HPT this month. I’m not bleeding yet, but I feel like I normally do about 3 days before AF comes. A little crampy and bloaty and tired and that feeling, you know?

Oh well, I guess there’s always next month (for the 17th time…)

Monday, June 1, 2009

The faces of Autism

I think I've talked about my baby brother who has Aspergers syndrome. He started his very first job today. He graduates from High School on Friday. He's starting college in the fall. He's going to be rich one day!

This is my beautiful niece, Abigail. Today she was diagnosed with "functioning Autism." They will have to do more test to find out where she fits on the spectrum. I know things are different now than they were when Benny was diagnosed, but it's still going to be a long, hard road for her to travel.

I will be there for her every step of the way.