Tuesday, February 24, 2009

sad news

I’m sorry to be posting something so morbid during ICLW, but I guess this is time sensitive…

I opened my Google Reader today to a new post by one of my favorite bloggers, Lisa from Clusterfook. Lisa is a mother of 2 and so uplifting and funny, but at the same time real and honest. She’s one of those people that I would love to know and spend time with in real life.

Lisa is dying of ovarian cancer that has spread throughout her body.

I opened her latest post to find that it hasn’t been written by her at all, but by her friend, Karl, who she had asked to post updates on her health once she no longer can. It seems that she is not doing so well, and the doctors think that she will be “lucky” to make it through the weekend. Please stop over to her blog, read her story, and leave some kind words. I’m sure her husband and daughters will appreciate all of the support.

Monday, February 23, 2009

25 things

In honor of ICLW, I'm posting this random meme that I did on facebook. Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to post right now... I've been kinda short on time this week....

1.I'm not really sure that there are 25 things about me that people will care about.

2. There are currently 11 people living in my parents house. 2 are my parents and 3 are my siblings. The rest are members of my extended family. (There have been no less than 10 people there since 2001)

3.I've always had a dream to open my own bridal boutique.

4. I still have no idea what I really want to do "when I grow up."

5. My biggest regret is not getting a bachelor's degree.

6. My second biggest regret is not going away to college. (although, I might not have met my husband had a done that..... so I guess it was meant to be)

7. I hate my name. I thought about going by my middle name (Renee) when I got to High School but that would have been too much trouble.

8. I don't have a favorite anything (color, band, food, movie, book, etc...) there are too many to choose from.

9. I'm indecisive.

10. Sometimes, when I'm out in public with my nieces, I like to pretend they're my kids. Especially when I'm being told how cute they are!

11.I was really excited to get Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred in the mail, but I haven't touched it since it got here.

12. I sometimes still sleep with a stuffed animal. His name is Bowsers and he's a yellow stuffed dog.

13. I have a friend that is an astrophysicist. Thinking about it makes me giggle every time.

14. I have absolutely no idea how to decorate my house. Anyone wanna come give me ideas?

15. I can't stand monotony. As soon as one big event is over, I have to focus on the next big event coming up, so that I don't get too bored with the every day.

16. My biggest fear is being forgotten. That said, I always assume that people I haven't seen in a while don't remember me.

17. I saw Titanic in the theater 3 times. I bought the score and cried while listening to it. When the movie came out, I bought it and never watched it!

18. I could totally be a shopaholic.

19. I am a self-proclaimed chocoholic.

20. I watch WAY too much tv.

21.I would love to live on a farm- if I could pay someone to do all of the hard work and just hang out with the animals when I felt like it.

22. Sometimes I wish the whole women's lib thing never happened so I wouldn't be expected to work outside the house.

23. I have a list of things I would get done if I was ever chosen to be on extreme makeover.

24. I once almost moved to Chicago to go to fashion merchandising school.... but then I chickened out.

25. I LOVE presents! But I would rather someone spend $5 on me and get me something that shows they really know me than spend $5000 on something impersonal.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

options and decisions

Thank you all for your advice and support. I understand this isn’t the end of the world, it just threw a great big wrench in my plans, and I’m still trying to work out where to go from here….

The Hubs and I have not had a chance to sit down and actually talk about this yet. I think we’re both kind of afraid of having that conversation….. it can go so many different ways!

Option 1: we save up money and wait until we have enough to do an IUI. Neither of us is very good at saving, despite our best efforts. Pros: We won’t be going into debt, so that will be one less thing to worry about. Cons: This could take a very long time, and if the first one doesn’t take, we’ll have to do it again, which means we’ll have to take that time to save up for another round, and that means waiting some more. I’m not good at waiting, as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now…

Option 2: We look into a payment plan with the RE’s office. Pros: We get to go ahead with IUI sooner rather than later. Cons: The chances of the Hubs going for this are slim. He doesn’t really like owing people money.

Option 3: We look into getting another credit card. This is probably not going to happen for the same reason as number 2. Also, interest sucks.

Option 4: I work out like a madwoman and actually stick to a diet, and we hope and pray that I start ovulating again and we can do this the old fashioned way. Pros: I’ll get skinny and healthy. (this is a big pro that I’m working on anyway) Cons: Again with the waiting and trying. Plus, who knows if/when I’ll ever ovulate on my own. I haven’t ovulated without being medically treated since about 3 years ago.

Option 5: We scrap the whole IF treatment thing and look into adoption. Pros: This was my original plan. I had always felt that if I wasn’t able to get pregnant on my own, it would mean that God was trying to tell me that I needed to adopt. (and really, who could have predicted this? My mom had 6 kids, and my sister got knocked up on accident. Twice. Once with twins. Because her ovaries got really excited and spit out 2 eggs.) Also, I would be raising a child that, otherwise, might not have love in his/her life.
Cons: Adoption is expensive. It can be really involved and take a really long time to get an infant. Also, I’ve tossed the idea up in the air a few times, and the Hubs isn’t 100% on board with it. There are many reasons, and none that are baseless.

The one option that is completely out of the question for me is the one where we choose to live childless. I know I won’t be able to handle that. It would absolutely kill me to never have a little voice call me “Mommy.” I’m not strong enough to struggle with this for 5 or 10 or more years before finally having a child. I’ve been praying so hard about this for so long, and I still don’t have an answer. I know which direction I’m leaning toward, but I’m only slightly leaning that way. How do I know what is the best way to go? How will I know if I've made the right decision? More importantly, what will happen if the Hubs and I can't come to a decision we're both at peace with?