I don’t know what my major malfunction is right now, but I know I have one. I can’t decide if it’s my crazy hormones, the fact that we are solidly in what I call the “gray season” in Ohio (basically from October through April) and SAD is starting to set in, or if it’s just because this past week has been just a series of “bad days” and it’s really wearing on me.
This is what I know:
*I am not as deliriously happy as I should be right now.
*I’m tired ALL THE TIME, sore, achy, and sinus-y.
*I have a really hard time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, and then I can only stay comfortable for a couple of hours (at the most) before my hips/back/ arms hurt so bad that they wake me up.
*The first thing I do in the morning when my alarm goes off for work is cry. I’m so sick of my job (Which I know I am lucky to have, and I know is a good job) that I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than go into work. And I’m sick of crying at work. It’s unprofessional, and it makes me look bad. It can be triggered by something here, or it can just come out of nowhere.
*My house is a mess, and I have no desire or energy to clean it.
* I’m sick of watching every bite of food that goes in my mouth. I’m tired of eating and eating protein and veggies, only to be super hungry again 30 minutes later and not being able to eat for another 1.5 hours.
*For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is cry. Constantly.
I’m miserable, and I just want it to be February already!
The Hubs has been so great through all of this, though. I know it bothers him that I’m sad all of the time, but he lets me just be sad. He sits with me and holds me and reassures me. He tries his hardest to make sure I’m comfortable, and doesn’t get offended when I snap at him for no reason. I couldn’t ask for a better support person right now. I wish, for his sake, that I could just snap out of this funk.
Something’s gotta give, but what that something is, I have NO idea….