Thursday, November 5, 2009

In which I whine and complain

I don’t know what my major malfunction is right now, but I know I have one. I can’t decide if it’s my crazy hormones, the fact that we are solidly in what I call the “gray season” in Ohio (basically from October through April) and SAD is starting to set in, or if it’s just because this past week has been just a series of “bad days” and it’s really wearing on me.

This is what I know:
*I am not as deliriously happy as I should be right now.
*I’m tired ALL THE TIME, sore, achy, and sinus-y.
*I have a really hard time getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, and then I can only stay comfortable for a couple of hours (at the most) before my hips/back/ arms hurt so bad that they wake me up.
*The first thing I do in the morning when my alarm goes off for work is cry. I’m so sick of my job (Which I know I am lucky to have, and I know is a good job) that I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than go into work. And I’m sick of crying at work. It’s unprofessional, and it makes me look bad. It can be triggered by something here, or it can just come out of nowhere.
*My house is a mess, and I have no desire or energy to clean it.
* I’m sick of watching every bite of food that goes in my mouth. I’m tired of eating and eating protein and veggies, only to be super hungry again 30 minutes later and not being able to eat for another 1.5 hours.

*For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is cry. Constantly.

I’m miserable, and I just want it to be February already!

The Hubs has been so great through all of this, though. I know it bothers him that I’m sad all of the time, but he lets me just be sad. He sits with me and holds me and reassures me. He tries his hardest to make sure I’m comfortable, and doesn’t get offended when I snap at him for no reason. I couldn’t ask for a better support person right now. I wish, for his sake, that I could just snap out of this funk.

Something’s gotta give, but what that something is, I have NO idea….


The Patterson's said...

So sorry you are feeling this way. Hope you feel better soon!

Amanda said...

I moved to the recliner to avoid sleeping pains, it's helped a lot.

jill said...

Oh boy have I been there. I have no advice as I've never felt like that and been pregnant at the same time. I hope it gets better for you very soon!

Hope said...

Hang in there! I am in the throws of the pregnancy hormones myself and it is no fun.

Beautiful Mess said...

I was like this when I was pregnant with Zilla. I would stuff my head in a pillow and just cry! I cried because we didn't have pizza, then I cried becuase we DID have pizza. I cried when someone would come over with a milkshake and I would cry when I couldn't do things like walk without pain. It was not fun. Then I would feel guilty for not "appreciating" this pregnancy because it took us so long to achieve it. I was seriously a mess! I talked to my doctor and I had depression. Good news is, it went away a while after he was born. I didn't do the medication route, wasn't for me, but I would definitely talk to your doctor. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. In the mean time, don't beat yourself up. Hang in there, it's the hormones. I promise!

andrea said...

i wish you were feeling better. I was never the giddy happy pregnant lady either - so don't let that part bother you too much.


Good Egg Hunting said...

The thing that no one tells you is that the utter bliss you think you'll feel 100% of the time once you finally get pregnant is not realistic. Pregnancy can be hard, it's certainly hormonal, and you're still human! So don't worry about that, and know that this will pass. You'll soon be onto entirely different pregnancy discomforts and symptoms (with moments of bliss in between)! Hang in there.

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, that sucks! Big time. My only advice is to take it hour by hour, not month by month. Just try to survive that hour before worrying about the next.

Times like this don't you wish it were safe for pregnant women to drink! lol

Alissa said...

I hope you are feeling better! Pregnancy (and parenting for that matter!) are NOT perfect and anyone that says it is is LYING! :-)

abhasoft said...

thank you