Monday, January 12, 2009

Waiting....

We’re going to wait to start IUI stuff until March. The Hubs read somewhere that it can take up to 6 months for metformin to help with ovulation, so we’re going to wait until then.

I hate being in this place. I hate being stuck, knowing that I can’t really move on with my life because of “what if?” (ie. If I get a new job, we’ll be without medical coverage and I probably won’t get maternity leave. At the same time, I think it’s really time for me to move on from this place. I need a job that will keep me mentally engaged throughout the day. This is not that job.)

I’m just kinda all over the place right now. I'm repeating myself, but I know I’m feeling sorry for myself, and that there are other people out there who have it worse than me. I know that I’m being a terrible person when I say that I don’t WANT to be that couple who waits and tries for 5 or more years before FINALLY getting a miracle pregnancy. At the same time, I really need to be able to move on from here. I think I could handle failed IUIs or a miscarriage better than I can handle “waiting it out.” I need to know that I’m going in a direction, one way or the other.

I’m just SO SICK of waiting……

5 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm not so good with waiting, either. I totally hear ya. I have found that not much helps me, unfortunately. I wish you peace and you can come to a choice that works for YOU and your husband.
Hugs,
-D

butterflyanla said...

I feel you, I too hate the waiting. I think that sometimes you just have to leap and plan and make the choice that feels right.

kimber926 said...

Hang in there. March will be here before you know it. Heck, with your cycles (!), it could be the next one!

Anonymous said...

I understand what you are saying and waiting is so hard but, I have to say have m/c and failed IUI's are much worse!! I don't wish m/c on anyone. I had two and three failed IUI's. So be patient, pray and God will take care of you.

the misfit said...

I know what you mean. I try to tell myself that I shouldn't wait for anything and just live my life, not take a time out from reality over something I can't control. But there are some decisions you really can't make unless you know. That job sounds like a catch-22. I waited a long time to get into treatment in part because I needed BOTH my husband and me to be employed with health insurance (I was, he wasn't. Fine for pg, not fine for taking care of a baby. Not that that's been a problem). And although it's a little ways off, we're considering buying a house since this is an expensive area and the market might not be favorable for years - but it would be insane to buy a big house for two people and a pain to buy a small house and then have to move up. God should write us out a timetable. It would be only fair...