Saturday, May 24, 2008

Unexplained infertility

This weekend I learned that an acquaintance of mine and her husband had been diagnosed as "infertile as a couple." Her RE has done every test imaginable, but can't seem to find a reason why they can't seem to conceive. I can't help but think that this is the worst possible type of infertility. If they don't know what's wrong, they can't fix it.
At least with PCOS (I was diagnosed in Nov 06 with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) there are steps that can be taken to get me pregnant (hopefully) in spite of my diagnosis. I've already had 2 rounds of Clomid with no results. There are other treatments, though, that will help me to ovulate.

This particular couple adopted a BEAUTIFUL little girl from overseas, but they haven't given up hope of someday having a biological child. Paul and I discussed adoption before we ever got married, and before we even had any clue that we were going to have problems getting pregnant. (My mother had 6 children, and my sister had twins as the result of an "unplanned" pregnancy. I come from fertiles.... what would make me think that I wouldn't be able to have children? ) We both decided that, if I wasn't able to get pregnant, we would definitely look into adoption. When we started having problems, we visited the subject again. We would do the clomid, and possibly some other fertility meds, but we weren't going to go as far as IUI or IVF. After 2 failed rounds of Clomid, adoption is looking like more and more of a possibility.

I have always felt "called" to be an adoptive mother. I know that there is a child out there somewhere who doesn't have a home and needs me to provide them with love and support. I know that being an adoptive mother is something I can do to better the world in some small way. Knowing all of this doesn't make the idea any less scary (for lack of a better word.) I do want to adopt, but I ALSO can't imagine not being able to experience the miracle of pregnancy. I've always thought about the cute little ways I would announce my pregnancy to my husband and family. I've fantasized about feeling my baby move for the first time and how I would tell it stories in-vitro. I've imagined how I would look in maternity clothes, and I've saved some really cute dresses that will hug a pregnant belly in all the right ways to make it stand out. The idea that I might not ever have that experience frightens me every day.

1 comment:

Wishing 4 One said...

I too have clothes in the closet for the last few years (embarrased to say) that I am keeping for when I AM pregnant...LOL, I sure hope its soon as styles are a changin'.

Seriously though, I too have fantisized and still do a lot about seeing my belly big, talking to my baby. I even recently wrote down possible boy and girl names for the twins I am "carrying", we'll see in 4 more days....

Sending you good wishes and hope you'll get youre baby soon, whichever way it comes to you..