Monday, May 4, 2009


A few months back, my mom and I took a road trip to see my cousins in Missouri. The second night there, we stayed up late, talking. (We usually end up doing this at least once every time any of us visit. It’s my favorite part.) While we were talking, I realized just how much had happened to us all in the past years. My cousin (who is also the oldest of his siblings) and I realized that, for the most part, things have been happening to the people around us more than to us. We are the observers. We get to watch our family members go through the hardest battles they’ve ever had to fight.

He had to watch his sister miscarry while his wife was pregnant. He had to watch as his brother got into a motorcycle accident, was in a coma for 3 months, and is still (7 years later) slowly recovering. He had to watch his mother battle lung cancer and lose.

I had to watch my sister recover from a rape and find out she was pregnant. As soon as she started getting used to the idea, and even starting to welcome it, she lost the baby. I had to watch that same, unmarried, sister find out years later that she was accidentally pregnant with twins. I had to watch my mother deal with losing her sister and best friend, only a few short years after losing her mother. I have to watch my parents support 2+ families on one income. I had to watch my brother lose 2 people he was close to in a matter of months. I had to watch my baby brother learn how to navigate high school with Asperger’s Syndrome….

Sometimes I wonder where I get off complaining about IF and PCOS. I look at what my family has been through, and I realize that I got off easy (so far). Sometimes, though, I wonder if it’s maybe harder to have to stand back and watch the people I love suffer so much. Is it maybe a form of survivor’s guilt?

I have a few prayer requests today as well:

~ My brother found out this weekend that he lost his friend to cancer. He was 26. His family had to have him cremated, because they couldn’t afford to do anything else. Please pray that God will give them strength to get through this terrible time.

~ A friend of mine went to an u/s today to find out that her baby stopped growing 2 weeks ago, at 6 weeks. She and her husband have been trying for so long to have a child, and they’ve already had to deal with a miscarriage previously.

~ The Hubs and I have some friends from church who are going through a hard time right now as well. They have had to deal with the loss of a grandmother on both sides of the family within the past month. Please pray that they will be able to find strength and comfort in each other.

Thank you.


The Unproductive One said...

Whenever I feel everything getting on top of me, I take a step back and think...there are ALWAYS people who are going through more than me and there are. No matter what our situation, there will be people who are going through worse and it actually makes me grateful for the few problems I do have, no matter how serious I may think they are.

I just wanted to comment on one of your prayer requests:

"His family had to have him cremated, because they couldn’t afford to do anything else."

That really struck me, because IMO theres nothing wrong with cremation?

andrea said...

i really do think it's harder to watch. to feel helpless for those you care so much about. when you are "in" it - you just do what you have to do w/o considering hte options or consequences....

kimber926 said...

I agree. When you step back and really look around you, there are so many things that COULD be worse. Prayers are going up for each of your requests. Hang in there and look for the positives. There is so much to be grateful for. {{HUGS}}

Rebecca said...

While I appreciate and empathize with your view, and your sympathy for those around you going through hard times...I really don't believe you should discount your own pain because it appears "less" than someone elses. It's not greater or less, it's just different. It is wonderful that you can see that things can and unfortunately are worse for're still dealing with a struggle yourself. It's okay to feel down about what you've been going through. It is good though that you do see that it "could be worse"...although I always caution not to discount your own feelings in the process. (((HUGS)))

Beautiful Mess said...

I hate watching the people I love suffer. I'd much rather suffer then have to watch them. Although, I'd totally do it in silence, which is the exact opposite of family. Sending prayers and thoughts your way and the way of those you requested them for.

Tiffanie said...

i sometimes feel the same way - while IF is so unfair, i know it could be worse. i mean, i have a great husband and family, we have jobs, don't have to worry about money, great dogs, etc. we really are so blessed in other ways.

i'll keep your prayer list of people on my prayer list.

Silya said...

I really appreciate this post. It is important to keep perspective in the infertility journey. Yes, it is a difficult struggle, but there are worse things. Much worse. Saying a prayer for each of your requests.

devonmarie said...

I sometimes struggle with this too. I mean you know that there are always people that have it worse than you.

A friend said something to me recently that really stuck with me, she said " You know if had a table full of people and everyone put their problems in the middle, and you could take someone elses, you'd probably stick with the ones you have, since they are the ones you know how to deal with".

And for the most part it is true. Sometimes you just need to step back and see the good things in life. But you are allowed to be in pain, or mad at your situation, you can never discount your feelings, because you have every right to have them.

sunflowerchilde said...

I agree with several of the other comments. I do try to keep things in perspective by realizing that everyone has their problems and everyone suffers, but I also try to remember that I have a right to feel sorry for myself once in a while as long as I don't carry it too far. Also, like devonmarie said, my problems are at least mine and I can deal with them.

Kristin said...

While I do agree that it is incredibly hard to watch your loved ones suffer, I don't think that minimizes the pain of what you have gone through.

Sending up my prayers for all those that need it.