Friday, May 22, 2009

I don't get me

Remember my post about Mother’s Day? Remember how I was surprised by the reaction I had to the minister asking the mothers to stand up? Well, my emotions surprised me AGAIN. Normally I love surprises, but…..

So my co-worker’s husband’s birthday was yesterday. He didn’t have to work, so he met her up here for lunch. And he brought their 1 year old daughter. Co-worker warned me that she was coming, and I was actually really excited to see her. Usually I have no problems spending time with kids/babies. Actually, I love it. I look forward to it. I hadn’t see Baby since she was about 2 months old, so I was anxious to see how much she had grown.

And then my emotions decided to freak out again. I saw her and smiled and then strolled back over to my cube and hid my face in my hands.

Seriously, I’m over it. I really hate being OK with mommies and pregnant ladies and kids one minute and then freaking out about it the next. I hate not knowing how I’m going to react. I mean, if anyone would know how I would react to something, don’t you think it would be me?



Kim H. said...

I'm sure your coworker understands - I mean she knew enough to warn you about the visit. Poor thing - emotions during this process are ALL over the board. I have the same problem.

Rebecca said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. Emotions are one of the things we have no control over. All we can do is let them run their course, and try not to let them overrun our lives. Easier said than done, I know. I'm glad your coworker was kind enough to warn you. It means a lot to have an understanding ally in the world. We're always here to help you sort out the good, bad and ugly of this process. Be gentle with yourself. (((HUGS)))

Amanda said...

I agree with the PP. You're allowed to be surprised by your emotions. This is tough stuff and one minute we can be fine with something and overwhelmed the next.

K said...

Never knowing when or how hard it's going to hit is so difficult. It always seems to be the moments that you want so badly to be the calmest that leave you shaken.

Megan's Infertility said...

If we could control our emotions they wouldn't have sooooo many out their to choose from. However, I wish we could just flow with neutral all the time...

I know it's hard but you WILL get your chance...we all will. Seeing babies is ALWAYS bittersweet...your happy because they are sooo cute and ALWAYS know how to make you laugh BUT they make your heart ache in so many ways.

Just look at that kid and say to yourself "Ya, she's cute but my baby is going to be soooo much cuter!" haha to yourself of course...that's what I do. :0) Hubby always agree's! LOL!