You asked, I answer......

Did you go to Prom in high school? Why yes, I did! I dreamed about my prom night for lots and lots of years. Kind of like a little girl would plan her wedding, I planned my prom. (well, I planned my wedding, too, natch.) I would pour over YM PROM magazine (is YM still around?) and every prom dress catalog I could find. I just KNEW that it was going to be a magical night where everyone in my class got along and where people would look at me and think “wow! She looks amazing! Why didn’t I notice her before?!” I would arrive in a limo with all of my friends and my date would be perfect and dance with me all night and make me feel like a princess.



How it actually turned out: Until about 2 weeks before, I didn’t have a date. I know, shocking, right? All of my friends were pairing up and planning their night. My best friend was going with my former crush (the hooked up right after she yelled at him for totally screwing with my head… but that’s another story. Ah, High School!) We were all planning on getting a limo and going together…. if I found a date. Things were getting desperate. It was sad. I did, however, have a dress. It was mint green A-line with a purple lace overlay on the bodice. It had a mock corset back and was just PERFECT! I wore a little tiara (because I’m a princess, and because our HS didn’t elect prom king and queen for some reason.)



Then, 2 weeks before prom and closing night of our musical, I hooked up with J. I had known him for quite some time, and we had some common good friends, but we weren’t close. We had some friendly flirting, but he always had a girlfriend, so I stayed back. Also, he was a bad boy. (Still is, actually. We talk from time to time.) Because of my date of choice, though, I was booted from the limo group. J was the ex of my Frienemy, S. So here I was with a bad boy date and my perfect dress and no limo. J was great, though. He didn’t fuss or complain, he just said “Don’t worry about it.” And I didn’t, and it was fine. He borrowed a really nice car from his aunt and made sure it was really nice and shiny and clean. He showed up on time and chilled with my fam and made the appropriate comments as to how good I looked. He was a perfect prom date (He was a pro, after all… this was his 3rd prom in 3 years) we met up with his good friend, and his girl friend at the time, my dear friend Jessie Marie Davis (Yes, that one. She looked amazing on prom night and I will never ever ever forget how much she was there for me through my crazy months with J.) We had a FABULOUS time! Despite the frienemy drama, everything turned out practically perfect.



I don’t really remember too much about the dance itself. I remember that my bff (the one dating my ex crush) had the same dress as one of the other girls. I remember dancing. I remember that one of my classmates who was known for his long long curly beautiful hair had cut it all off right before prom to donate to Locks of love and looked even more adorable after it was cut short. I remember one of my friends coming to the dance with a marine, who then got bored at after prom and left her there. I remember driving home from an amazing night with J, happy. I remember him pulling into the parking lot of the park around the corner from my house, and I remember him telling me that he really cared about me but didn’t think things would work out. Great timing, right? Jerk. (Really, he’s been an amazing friend ever since, and was actually my “rebound guy” between lots of relationships… until I met the Hubbs, of course!)



Great story, huh? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s edition where I describe the big old beater that was my first car. Exciting stuff, no?

Am I infertile?

SO I was thinking about this last night, and I'm not sure! I've been trying for 12 months with no luck. I've been diagnosed with PCOS (read this post if you're not sure what I'm talking about.) Out of the last 12 months, I've only ovulated 3 times, and 2 of those were assisted by Clomid. BUT we haven't been to an RE, and the Hubbs has yet to have a sperm analysis.



See, the thing is, I guess I kinda lumped myself in with the infertiles around 6 months of trying because of my PCOS, but now I'm second guessing. There are people out there who have been trying for YEARS to get pregnant and have taken steps to get that way. I haven't thought about IUI or IVF (and I won't, since we long ago made the decision to adopt if we couldn't do it "the old fashioned way".... but I TOTALLY support anyone who decides to go that direction.) and I haven't looked into surrogacy or adoption. I'm not really ready to go in any of those directions. Maybe I'm just a lazy infertile? Maybe I'm really a fertiles with illusions of infertility?



Here's my question to you: What makes a person qualify as "infertile?" Is there a time limit that you have to wait until you hit that status? Do you have to be diagnosed with something (ie, PCOS, endo, Male Factor...?)

Let's try this again

I'm totally going to link back to this post. I posted it a little bit ago, and now I'm hoping 1 or 2 more people are reading and are going to ask me some interesting questions. I promise to devote a whole post to each question, so make them good. Seriously. I need at least one response to this, or I will feel VERY unloved. Internet, I'm counting on you!

Whatever Wednesday

This is a great little Meme that I found on one of my favorite blogs: Mama’s Losin’ it.




If I had a dime for every...stupid question I get asked at work…




If I could catch a star I'd... Give it to my sister who is obsessed with stars.



If you saw me cry you'd... Say (or think) “there she goes again!”




If you could read my eyes they'd tell you... I need a vacation. To some place tropical. Soon




If I could go back 5 years I would... do a whole bunch of stuff different.




If you saw me walking...You would be ignored, because I’d be too into the music on my ipod.




If I could fly, I'd fly to... Heaven



If I had a black cat sitting in front of me, I'd... cuddle it and feed it and give it some milk J




If I could live in the Big Apple I'd... be fulfilling a high school dream.




If I had to leave my soulmate I'd... feel completely empty inside.




If I could be a movie star I'd be... Living on the beach and giving lots of money to family and charity.




If I did a trick it would be... illegal! I'm no prostitute!



If I had half a million I'd...do so much! I have plans. There would be some houses paid off, some charities donated to, a new wardrobe bought, and a job quit!




If I could pick only 6 things in the house to have for 1 year, it would be... TV, computer, fridge, stove, clothes, my Chi Flat iron




If I really could have a dream come true it would be... To be a mom.



If the drinking age was lowered... There would be no reason to look forward to being 21




If aliens really do exist...I hope they’re cute.




If school wasn't required... There’d be a lot of stupid people running around.




If I had a special power…I would be able to read people’s minds at will.




If I am what I eat... I’m a big ol chocolate bar… or a cup of coffee




If I am rubber and you are glue... Whatever you say bounces off of me, and sticks to you.




If I ruled the world... I would reinstate the barter system.




If dogs are a man's best friend... There would be no need for video games.




If time heals all wounds... then it takes too long.




If I won the lottery... I’d quit my job and adopt some really cute babies. Also, I’d buy better clothes.




If actions speak louder than words... then some people need clued in.




If I died today...I’d be afraid of being forgotten.



Feel free to steal this and fill it out for yourselves. I thought this was a clever one, and it actually made me think a little bit more than I expected. Happy Hump Day!

Why is it only Tuesday?

Do I ask this every week? I think I do.



Last night I went to bed at 8pm. (It was one of those RARE moments that I'm glad I am childless as of yet. What mommy gets to go to bed while it's still light outside? It felt good.) I slept from about 8:30- 5:45 this morning. My dog woke me up... and good thing, since I forgot to set my alarm. Sometimes it's OK that he decides to bark at the cats in heat outside our window. Anyway, I'm still tired. Really tired. I almost fell asleep (again) on my way in to work.... and tonight I have to go over to my in-laws for dinner.... but I really just want to go back home and sleep. I hope I can make it through the day.

Controversy!

There’s been some controversy on the radio station I’ve been listening to. The song called “I Kissed a girl” by Katy Perry is the cause. I LOVE this song… some people- not so much. Honestly, I think the lyrics are really honest and almost innocent in a sense. I prefer this song to the blatant sexual/violent references in a lot of songs out there right now. It’s talking about a kiss, after all…. It’s not nearly as offensive as that song about rear windows, or that Superman song that’s so popular right now. You know, the one with the dance? My 6 year old cousin knows that song and the dance that goes along with it. It’s pretty darn trashy and I hate it.



Apparently there are some parents that listen to the radio station that are WAY opposed to this song. I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure that if I did, I wouldn’t mind them listening to something like this (well, if they were over the age of 10, I guess.) Honestly, though, how hard is it to change the station if that song comes on… or turn the radio off for a few minutes. I don’t have any problem turning off a song that I don’t like, and it’s not the radio station’s job to censor what my kids hear, it’s my job (hypothetically speaking, of course, since I’m not a mom yet.) I’d love to hear your opinions on it. Do you agree, or do you think I’m way off base?

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl lyrics

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it



Song lyrics | I Kissed A Girl lyrics

Yes, I listen to (some) Christian music

I was raised Catholic. My mother was raised Catholic. My father was raised a Presbyterian, but converted shortly after my parents were married. He did it in secret, to surprise my mom. It was an amazing gesture of love and commitment. I no longer attend Catholic mass regularly, but I do attend church with my husband. I never really listened to Christian music before I met him, but he's introduced me to some really cool bands, and these really cool bands have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life.



Not too far from my house, there is a festival every year called Alive. It is a 4 day festival of Christian music geared toward families, teenagers, and young adults. I've never made it there, until yesterday. I gotta say, though, that it was REALLY amazing. There was one point where, during the last band of the night(Casting Crowns), the lead singer asked all the girls/women in the audience to sing a song, and then asked all the boys/men in the audience to sing. If you've never heard hundreds (yes, hundreds) of men sing in unison before, you're missing something amazing.

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At the concert, one of my FAVORITE new artists, Brandon Heath, played for a really small crowd. It was way cool. Of course, I was completely smitten (I have a tendency to develop crushes on men with amazing singing voices-i.e. http://www.jarsofclay.com/)and I wanted to meet him. I didn't want to go up alone-because I'm a dork like that- so I made my sisters go up with me. My sister, Em-who had never heard of him until right before he started to sing, decided to buy a frisby for him to sign, because it would be cool. We get up there and I am AMPED to meet this guy.... apparently he's more amped me meet my sister than me. The conversation goes something like this



Brandon Heath (turning towards Em): Hi! nice to meet you! Can I sign your frisby? What's your name?



Em (being her stupid adorable self): Em---



Me: I just have to let you know that your songs are amazing and got me through some pretty tough times (goes on to tell him a super cool story. Meanwhile, he signs my cell phone- I wanted to try to be memorable)



BH: Really? That's nice. It was really great to meet you, Em (he hugs her.) You girls enjoy the rest of your day.


Ummmmmmm really? Yeah. That kind of crap happens a lot. Stupid Em. (I love you, my sister!)

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I'm going to end this on a really sad, but thought provoking, note. I don't know if any of you have heard of the singer Steven Curtis Chapman
but he's really popular in the Christian music sect. He has a bunch of kids... some of them adopted from China, I think. Recently, at a graduation party for his son, his youngest daughter, Maria, was hit by a car, driven by one of his sons, in their own driveway and killed. I can't imagine the emotions that are going through these people right now. Not only did they lose a daughter, but they have their son to blame for it. It was an accident, but there still has to be some resentment there, I would think. At the same time, it's their SON. He's no less of a part of them than their little girl. Can you IMAGINE?! My heart breaks every time I think of this.



It's so easy, during the day to day, to forget how important family relationships are. Even for those of us desperately trying to start a family of our own sometimes forget exactly what we're working towards. It gets lost in every heartache, and every negative pregnancy test, and every bitter thought that we experience on the journey. Please, in honor of this lost life, hold close and cherish every moment that you have with every single person in your family. You never know when it could be your last.



Not too long ago, Steven Curtis Chapman released a song called Cinderella that he wrote for and dedicated to Maria. The lyrics are SO ironic and heartbreaking that it brings me to tears to hear them.

Cinderella

Steven Curtis Chapman



She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders



It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you



There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"



So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...



She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of her dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"



So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ooh-oh ooh-oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone



She will be gone



Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"



So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ooh-oh ooh-oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

TV Junkie

I hate rain. Once in a while it’s great, but not so much when there are more rainy days than sunny days. I could never live in places like London or Seattle…… Actually, it’s not the rain that I mind; it’s the gray clouds and the dreariness that comes along with it. Ohio gets enough gray in the winter, thanks, we don’t really need more in the summer.

*********************************************************


Because I have nothing interesting to talk about, let’s talk about my unhealthy obsession with TV. I love TV. I love it a lot. I'm a TV Junkie. It’s my favorite way to just zone out every so often. I’m not ashamed. If I told you how many series I have on my DVR list right now, you might be a little shocked.



A small sampling of the shows I love to watch by myself:

THE HILLS (I’m slightly obsessed with this show. Don’t know why)

Jon and Kate + 8 (those kids are TOOO CUTE!)
Ugly Betty

Army Wives

Gossip Girl

One Tree Hill

Good Eats (not on my DVR, but I watch it whenever I can)

Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (same as above. Paul makes fun of me for loving this show, but I truly do.)

How I Met your Mother ( I just got into this one this season. People have always told me that I look like Alison Hannigan…. Ever since American Pie came out “one time? At Band camp?” I wasn’t ever in band, FYI)

The Big Bang Theory (one of the FUNNIEST, SMARTEST shows on TV)
General Hospital and All my Children (they’ve been really bad lately, so I mostly fast forward through them, but I’ve been watching since I was in my mother’s womb, so I just can’t quit them!)

There are others, too. Told you I watch a lot of TV



Shows I like to watch with the Hubbs:

LOST

24

Last Comic Standing

The Dog Whisperer (Cesar Milan ROCKS MY WORLD! He’s pretty much a genius)

We used to watch Beauty and the Geek, but it got cancelled. SO sad. It was our guilty pleasure



Shows the world loves, but I couldn’t get into:
Grey’s Anatomy

Sex and the City

Desperate Housewives

Any of the CSI shows



I sound like a big ol’ couch potato, don’t I? I’m actually very busy, and I have NO idea how I make time to watch all of this TV, but I do! Talent, I guess. About The Hills, though, I really do have a very unhealthy obsession. When it comes back on (come on, AUGUST!), you will be sure to hear all my thoughts about Team Lauren and Team Heidi, how much I HATE Spencer, how crazy hot Brody is, how I used to like Lo, but now I don’t, how I feel bad for Poor Audrina, and how Justin Bobby is gross, but then sometimes not. Bet you can’t wait, huh?



Do you watch TV? Do you have a favorite show (or 10?) What is your guilty pleasure? I want to get to know you!

OH, the SYMPTOMS!

As I mentioned in my previous post(2 in one day! I must be MAD), I did some shopping this weekend- bathing suit shopping, to be exact. The only thing worse than bathing suit shopping is shopping for jeans that fit and don’t cost a million dollars, which I’m going to have to do soon, since the zipper broke on my favorite pair. But I digress…….. the point I’m trying to make is that I think I’ve finally come to terms with my body and the weight that PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) has caused me to gain. I didn’t cry. I didn’t throw fits. I didn’t get discouraged. What I did do was laugh at each ill fitting suit and say “This ain’t gonna happen” and promptly take it off. It was a little bit cathartic to look at myself in the mirror and know that I’m doing what I can to get down to my pre-PCOS body, but I’m just not there yet, and maybe never will be, and it wouldn’t be my fault, and there might be nothing I could do about it, and all I can do is just try and be happy with myself how I am.



Since we’re on the topic, let’s talk symptoms. Some people have asked me what it’s like to have PCOS. What does it do? Does it hurt? I’ll break it down in my own words and how it affects me. If any of my darling readers has anything to add, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do!





PCOS, or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, occurs when the follicles growing in the ovaries don’t fully mature. Instead of getting released in ovulation, they stay inside the ovary and create cysts on the outer walls, thus causing an anovulatory cycle and making “baby making” impossible during those cycles. It doesn’t hurt, but it can sometimes get uncomfortable and there can be a lot of pressure, but it isn’t constant. I’m not sure if the hormones cause this, or if this causes the hormones to go crazy, or if they both work together, but the hormones go way out of balance.



The hormonal imbalance causes multiple outward symptoms. On me, the most noticeable ones are weight gain-mostly around the midsection- and acne on my face (which is how I knew that this last cycle was going to be a long one. I gained 10lbs in 2 weeks and my face looked like a pizza.) Other people can experience excessive body hair growth known as Hirsutism, or thinning hair that is similar to male pattern baldness. Skin tags are also not uncommon. Because of these major changes that occur in the body, depression is not uncommon in women with PCOS. The weight gain, I am told, is caused by an insulin resistance in the body. Because of this, people with PCOS are at a higher risk of developing type II diabetes- which, I can imagine, isn’t a walk in the park either since it means no more chocolate. (The horrors!)



Some days my symptoms bother me more than others, but for the most part it’s not hard to live with. Aside from the potbelly and the pizza face, I’d live quite easily if I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. I should mention, too, that PCOS a lot of times causes a great lack of libido. I went from “in the mood” quite often to almost never. This symptom is a little worse for the Hubbs than it is for me, and sometimes I’ll hear “Is babymaking the only thing I’m good for?!?!?!” Sorry, honey!



Again, this is all in my own words. If there is anyone out there who has more expertise and would like to add some information or correct something I may have wrong, please do. Also, I’d love to hear your experiences with PCOS.

A much needed break

This weekend felt almost like a vacation… except that I got to sleep in my own nice, comfy bed and I got to take my dog. Here’s the breakdown, if you were curious



Friday: we tried to go to an Indians game. We drove the hour to Cleveland, under some pretty menacing skies, with the hopes that the storm would blow over. No sooner did we park the car, but the sky opened up and it was a crazy storm with thunder and lightning. We stuck around for 2 hours, but pretty much thought the game was going to be called, so we left and went to get some food. As we got into the car after eating, we heard the announcement that they were going to start playing. At that time it was 9:30 and some of us had plans and had to get up in the morning, so we decided to go on home. No rain out tickets for us! It wasn’t a total waste, though, because I got to spend some good quality time with my sister.



Saturday: SO busy- ran some errands, met a friend for breakfast, met my sisters and the Littles for breakfast and some shopping. The Littles LOVE shopping! They’ll pull out clothes in their size (yes, they’re 18 months old and they know what size they wear) and say “ooooOOOOOOooooo” and then put said outfits in the cart. M is a little fashionista and has been picking out her clothes since birth. Seriously. We would hold up clothes for her to pick from and she would reach for the outfit she wanted. Smart cookie. A loves shoes. Her favorite kinds are pink and sparkly. She also likes the light up kind. After shopping, we all headed to a local Irish Festival and rocked out to some Irish music. I bought a really great celtic cross made out of some twigs or vines or something. I’ll have to post a picture when we finally get it hung up. Also, I had my first funnel cake of summer. It isn’t summer until that first funnel cake. I love those things! Then home to bed and the Hubs and my sweet animals.



Sunday: I overcompensated for the fact that the Hubs is not yet a father for making sure I did whatever my own dad wanted. He decided that he wanted to go to a local mini golf course. (They also have other stuff, too, like batting cages, sand volleyball and bumper boats that have squirt guns on them. Fun stuff… beside the fact that I HATE mini golf.) A great time was had by all, and we all left happy and content with life. On the way up, there was this exchange in the car between me, my sister Em, and my autistic brother, Ben:



Me: Em, I’m sorry to report that the world doesn’t revolve around you.



Em: My world does!



Ben: (singing from the back seat where he was playing his Nintendo DS) It’s a small world after all………..



AH my family. I love them!

CD1 and I feel fine!

I have an announcement! After the longest cycle EVER at 105 days, I am now on cd1!!! WOO HOO! I mean, things aren't really "pleasant" right now, but I'm so glad to be out of that God Forsaken cycle that I just could do cartwheels! Just thought I'd share :)

The best picture I've ever taken

Meet my boys :)

A long post about Wander Lust

First of all, I am happy to report that my “feeling” I had yesterday turned out to be nothing- as far as I know. Now on to my real post.


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I live about 10 minutes from an airport. I pass it every day on my way to and from work. About this time of year, I start to get wander lust…. Especially when I know I won’t be taking a vacation during the summer. Some days (OK most days) almost all I can think about is how I wish I could just pack up my suitcase and go somewhere- anywhere. I could go visit my family in Kansas. I could go visit a friend in Florida. I could visit my cousins in Georgia. I could go somewhere and just disappear for a while.



Is this a cop-out? Would I be running away from everything, or would I be running to something? Would it be a vacation to get myself together and collect my thoughts, or would it be a flight from all responsibility? Where would I go and how long would I stay? Would I even tell anyone that I was leaving, or would I just pack up and sneak out of town and call later to say that I was OK? Am I a terrible person for even THINKING these thoughts?



I’m not unhappy with my life- I’m not sure what the word is. Restless, maybe? I’m sick of waiting…. Waiting to get pregnant, waiting until we get paid so I can go grocery shopping, waiting to paint the guest room because it will- one day- be a nursery, waiting for the weekend so I don’t have to wake up and do the same thing every day…. As I said before, I don’t do well with monotony. The Hubs- well, he can do the exact same thing every day forever and never get bored or restless. I’m not built like that.



Growing up in a house with so many people meant that SOMETHING was always happening. I could pick up my sisters and go shopping at the drop of a hat. Someone was always walking in the door to visit. There was always someone to talk to and somewhere to go. Now, I’m just far enough away to be out of everyone’s way, so I don’t get many visitors. My family and friends all live 20-30 minutes away (if they even still live in the state anymore), and with the gas prices going up, I’m feeling more and more like I’m living on an island. Apparently, I’m not coping well.



I’m becoming a real Debbie Downer lately. I’m really sorry, Internet. I wish I had the wit and way with words to make my introspective ramblings more pleasant to read, but the only things that my fingers seem to type lately just aren’t that interesting I’m afraid. Thanks for hanging in there with me. The statement around the blogosphere lately has been “comments are the new hug”…. And I could really use a hug or 2 or 200! (P.S. I Have a dr appt on Monday to discuss my Zoloft usage. I’m thinking I’m going to ask them to up my dosage, so maybe I’ll be a bit more positive soon!)

SERIOUSLY!?!?

Remember the phone call I got at work in this post ? Yeah, I just got it again.... and today was going SO WELL, too.

Feelings......

Have you ever had a feeling in the pit of your stomach where you feel like something bad is happening, or is about to happen, but you have NO idea what it could possibly be? Yeah, I have that. AND I just called my mom to make sure everything is kosher to find out that my brother called her yesterday with that SAME FEELING. UGH! NOW it’s even worse and it’s making my stomach do flips and flops and some crazy acrobatics in my torso. Not cool, stomach, not cool…. Especially since I just ate lunch. (*I should mention that I’m pretty sure no one is dead. For some reason, I’ve noticed that I get eerily calm on days that people I love die. Do I think I have a bit of the “gift”. Sure. You could say that.)



Also, lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m waiting for something. Something big. But I have no idea what in the world I’m waiting for! I’m not going on vacation. I don’t have anything big coming up that I know of. I’m actually kinda bored and in a boring stage in my life. My job is stable, my marriage is stable, my family is (HAHA!) stable, and I don’t see us losing our house or anything any time soon. I had a dream last night that my teeth fell out. Doesn’t that mean that money is coming my way? Maybe I should play the lottery.



Does anyone else get these feelings, or is it just me….?

Why I blog

In response to Andrea's question:

Does anyone remember the old show My So-Called Life? Remember how Angela Chase always had a voice-over about what she was thinking? Ever since seeing that show, I've pretty much had a "voice-over" in my head running constantly. Blogging is a place for me to take that nonsense train of thought and put it out for the entire webiverse to see and read. Sometimes that includes complaining, sometimes it's encouraging, sometimes it's just a bunch of nothing, but it always makes me feel better to get it all out there...... so thanks for reading :)

yuck.

Ok, so I need to complain just one more time. I feel like crap, and I'm blaming it on the Provera. Has anyone taken Provera? I've taken it twice, but I don't remember any side effects before. This time, though, I'm SO bloated and sometimes crampy and sometimes headachy and dizzy and just all around yucky feeling. I'm currently on cd 100something. I stopped counting. I'm really hoping this stuff works soon and I start bleeding.... but I'm also really dreading it! I have a feeling it's NOT going to be a very fun time.



I'm wearing a dress today because I don't think any of my pants will fit. I'm out of dresses that are work appropriate, so I might be doing the rubber band trick tomorrow that is generally only reserved for pregnant ladies, of which I am obviously not.

What do you want to know?

Internet, we have a problem. It seems all I do on here is rant and rave and complain. I guess I'm a complainer by nature, and not a witty as I would have myself believe. Also, I annoy myself with my complaining. I need your help!



Ask me a question. ANY question!!! It can be random or something you want to know about me. I promise to write an entire blog entry surrounding the the question you choose to ask, and I will give you mad props for asking :) (Disclaimer: This is an attempt to get some great blog ideas as I have hit a creative plateau. Also, I want comments... LOTS AND LOTS OF COMMENTS! If you don't want to comment here, you can email me at: JRenee211 at gmail dot com.)




Thanks, Internet! I owe you one :)

Jill



P.S. Any other Army Wives watchers out there?! Were you as BLOWN AWAY by the season premier as I was?! I'm STILL not quite sure what to think!

Great contest- ends today

Hello fellow Bloggers! HAPPY FRIDAY! My dear friend andrea pointed me toward this really AWESOME contest that is every blogger's dream. Pop on over and check it out.

Chocolate is healthy for women!

I’m trying to be good (I AM!) but it’s just so HARD! I love food and I hate to work out. I love chocolate and I hate salad. I could live on cereal. and bread. And chocolate. Seriously, the other night I had bread and butter for dinner because I didn’t feel like cooking…. And I love bread THAT MUCH! Here is a sample of what it sounds like when the Hubs and I go out to dinner:





Paul: I’ll have a garden salad with some grilled chicken and dressing on the side



Me: GIVE ME MEAT! The REDDER the BETTER! And BREAD! Keep those rolls a comin’, darlin’! What do I want for my veg? I say VEGGIES, SCHMEGGIES! How about a nice HOT FUDGE BROWNIE SUNDAE for my side… and don’t forget to ask if I want dessert!





So goes my love/hate relationship with Weight Watchers. Love: I can eat whatever I want. I can tell people I’m on weight watchers and they think I’m eating healthy. Hate: PORTION CONTROL! Apparently “whatever I want” doesn’t mean that you can eat chocolate 3 meals a day 7 days a week. Lots of the foods that I like are about 800 points each (which far outreaches my 22 point a day allowance.) What am I supposed to do when my mother in law treats us to Red Lobster? Those cheddar biscuits they give you are like 6 points each, but they’re SOOO good and everyone else seems to be enjoying them. Maybe I’ll just eat 1. or 2. or 5. Also, I don’t really like fish, but I LOVE shrimp! I’ll have the shrimp trio, please. You know, the one with deep fried shrimp and shrimp scampi and shrimp linguini alfredo? Lots of yummy points for me to consume! As a side, I’ll be good and order the broccoli…. Of course I’ll be dunking the broccoli in the scampi sauce for flavor, but it’s vegetables, so it’s HEALTHY (back me up here) But I digress…..





I haven’t been buying ww brand food because it’s pretty darn expensive, and I have a mortgage to pay and some hungry (pet) mouths to feed. I finally broke down and thought I’d buy some this go-around: Fudge bars= very yummy. Chocolate mini cakes= very yummy. Yogurt (white chocolate cheesecake)= alright for yogurt. Chocolate chip cookies= not so much. Of course, I had to eat 2 in a row just to make sure. I did SO good my first week “on plan” but then there was a holiday and a cookout and I fell off the wagon and can’t seem to get back on… no matter how many ww brand foods I buy. I WANT to lose weight (especially since my OB says that it will help me to start ovulating again) and I WANT to be in shape (because I’ve gained 45lbs since the Hubs and I started dating, and I’m pretty sure we both miss the days of cute little bikinis) but I just can’t seem to do it! Will Power + ME= frenemies.

Is today some kind of a joke?

Seriously. Let’s start at the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start)…..



We left out bedroom door open last night to let the air circulate. When we do this, my cat can come in to our room at 4 am and wake me up. She does this by being all sweet and nuzzling my face, neck and arms, and then, when I’m ALMOST awake, she turns around and sits on my face. (Yes, I just said that.) (My animals have a thing about sitting on people’s or each other’s heads.) So, I’m awake but my increasingly lazy dog is not. This morning, he was SOOOO Lazy that I had to carry him almost everywhere (outside, to his food dish, back upstairs to the bathroom while I shower so he doesn’t poop in the kitchen….. everywhere, that is, except for the cat’s food dish. He just can’t get enough of the cat food. Ugh.). So I get downstairs to make my coffee (thank the gods for caffeine) and promptly spill 99% of the bag on the floor (after my lazy dog bumps into me while running to the cat food dish.) I sweep that up and then go to take a shower. In the bathroom, I’m bumping things over (my hair dryer. Almost broke that one) and dropping things (the shampoo AND conditioner containers to name a couple) and trying not to scream at the top of my lungs at 6 am.



So I get to work to find out that my co-worker had her baby. VERY exciting news, except now I have to listen to people ooh and aaaah and talk about babies ALL day! The girl hiding in her cube and being antisocial unless spoken to directly? That’s me. Later, one of my vendors comes in with the new person in charge of our account to meet me. While I was reaching up into my cabinet to get out some more business cards, out falls my bowl (I keep a mini pantry at work) and it knocks over my coffee cup that is SUPPOSED to be spill proof. It’s not. I then had to hurry up and clean up my HUGE coffee mess before I could even think about talking to this new girl. Great first impression, huh?



The rest of the day is more or less uneventful until just a few minutes ago (4pm-one hour left in the work day) when my phone started ringing off the hook Most were questions that I had to make up answers to since I’m covering for the girl who’s out on leave (while explaining every little detail I know about her labor and resulting morsel of adorableness) until the last one. The last phone call I received in this plethora of calls goes something like this:



Me: Thank you for calling _______ purchasing. This is Jill.

Caller (recording): (something along the lines of) How important are your children to you? Do you have them covered in case of medical emergency? Children are the greatest thing in the world. Isn’t being a parent one of the greatest joys of life? Don’t you want to cherish every minute you have with them and keep them healthy…….

Me: Ummm is this a joke? (SLAM)



I wouldn't be surprised if I got home to find some baby related coupons/adds in my mailbox. Those always seem to come on the worst possible days……

My Neighbors? Suck (well, not all of them)

I live in a nice, quiet neighborhood made up of some nice families and some nicer senior citizens in a little suburban town. Everyone is really nice and waves at each other as we pass by. Do I know anyone by name? Not so much. But really, I've only been here for a year, cut me some slack. We have the "5:30 dog people" who I have met while walking my dog at 5 freaking 30 in the morning. Then there's the lady next door who feeds all the neighborhood stray cats, and is pretty much always yelling for her dog named (what else?) Fifi. There are a couple of families with some school aged children, but we mostly all keep to ourselves.......................



And then there are the neighbors across the street. Call me crazy, but if your motorcycle sets off car alarms as you drive past? it's too loud. Trying to set a record? I'll put the Guinnesses on speed dial if that's what it takes to get you to QUIT RIDING UP AND DOWN THE STREET AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY/NIGHT. There are ALWAYS at least 5 cars in the street for that house and ALWAYS someone yelling at the top of their lungs after 10 pm outside. I have to say, I'm not a light sleeper. I usually get most of my best sleep during a crazy loud thunderstorm, but last night (MONDAY NIGHT! Don't you have JOBS people??????) I was woken up at MIDNIGHT by some obnoxious base and stupid loud music. Of course these lovely people had to yell to each other over the music because they couldn't hear each other. UGH. Their impeccable manners are being passed down to the next generation, too. Not too long ago, the Hubs and I were driving down the street and waved and the adorable little girl that they have who was playing by herself at the edge of the drive way. I looked at her and smiled. She looked at me and stuck out her tongue. lovely.



Do you have any neighbors that you just can't STAND?! What is the worst/craziest experience you've had with your neighbors (past or present)? Leave me some love (and validation) in my comments section!


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On a fertility related note, there is some light at the end of the tunnel for the longest cycle ever (I'm on cd95 now). I started taking Provera last night. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really looking forward to a visit from my Dear Aunt Flo.

Maybe it's just me.....

But isn't it a little pointless to lock your car when it's a convertible with the top and windows down?




Ah, Summer........ I'm so glad you're finally here :)