Goodbye 2008!

So I’m not going to do a year in review for 2 reasons. 1. I hate them, 2. 2008 was pretty unremarkable for me. I think the most exciting thing that happened to me was finding out that I was insulin resistant, and then I actually made it to the gym once or twice. 2008 will go down as a year where I was an observer.

I’m so bad at keeping resolutions, but I always make them anyway. This year, I have a whole list! I’m not going to call them resolutions- more like goals that I’m setting for myself in 2009. Curious? Ok, I’ll share:

- Build up our savings account to at least $1500 (we’ve pretty much drained it with house things that came up this year.)
- Have more sex (with my husband, of course!)
- Work out AT LEAST 3x a week. If I can’t make it to the gym, I’m going to do some stuff at home.
- Eat healthier.
- Fit into a size 8.
- Do a 30 day raw vegan cleanse (I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to do this. I’m really not a fan of raw veggies at all, so we’ll see what happens.)
- Remember to take all my meds all the time. I’ve gotten REALLY bad at taking them. (I was really good when I only had to take 2 pills a day, but adding the 3rd one really screwed me up!)
- Build up a vacation fund. (The goal is to go to Disney World with my family in spring 2010.)
- Get a second (or different) job and/or go back to school.
- Keep my house “company ready” at all times.
- GET PREGNANT!


I know, that last one is a bit of a shocker, isn’t it? Who knew? Anyway, there you have it. I will try my hardest to meet or beat these goals. If I don’t meet ALL of them, then that’s OK, too, as long as I at least tried. I think I’ll keep myself in line by reporting updates here. Wish me luck!

Do you make resolutions? What was the best thing that happened to you in 2008? The worst thing? What are you hoping 2009 will bring?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! If you’re going out tonight, please be safe.

Random

I know I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve started about a million posts, but I can’t seem to finish any of them!

~My Christmas was pretty good, how about yours? It was pretty much a no-pressure holiday, which was great! We did go to a bunch of places, but we didn’t put ourselves on a time schedule, so we could actually enjoy the time we had. I spent the day with my 3 2-year-old nieces. They’re getting to the age where they are starting to understand Santa and presents on Christmas morning, so it was really fun to watch them all! Honestly, I had to go through all of the gifts that I got over the weekend, because I couldn’t remember what I opened- I was so wrapped up in watching the girls! I did get some pretty good stuff, though. I think I gave some of the best gifts I’ve ever given, too, so that made me really excited!

~I started a new tradition this year. I had my sister and the Littles over and we made candy as gifts for some of our relatives. The girls LOVED it, and I had so much fun doing something fun and different with them. I hope this becomes one of those traditions that they grow up to look forward to and remember when they are adults. I think next year we’ll turn it into a slumber party, though, and that will give my sister some much needed time to do her shopping and/or wrapping.

~My office is very uncomfortable in the winter. If I have my space heater on, I’m uncomfortably hot. If I turn it off, I freeze (because for some reason the vents blow cold air on my side of the building.) Also, we have NO circulation of the air in here. It’s so dry and dusty! I mean, would it kill these people to have someone clean out the vents every once in a while (Like once every year or so?)

~ I’m currently working on a post about the New Year and resolutions. I know you all are just dying to read it! Tune in tomorrow!

And I thought I was doing so well, too....

So my company is starting this new thing where they are offering free health assessments to employees. I had mine this morning, and I’m not too thrilled with the results. I thought I was doing well with the exercise (Ok, well maybe not lately) and the eating well, but my HDL is way low and my LDL is way high, and so is my BMI. So basically I found out that I’m not quite as healthy as I thought (and I didn’t really have any delusions- trust me.) AND They said that I’m only 61” tall. WHAT? Where did that extra inch go?! I’m starting to doubt the trustworthiness of these people. At least they were nice!

Last night we found out that a couple in our Sunday School class is pregnant. They’re really sweet, so I’m excited for them… but I’m kinda sad for me! Our Sunday school class was 1 of the 2 groups of people I hang out with who had no parents/pregnant ladies involved. It was nice to go there, because there was no talk of babies or kids or parenting- and now that whole dynamic is changing.

And, I mean, really? When will it be my turn? I’ve been doing so well with trying to enjoy the life I have now, but Christmas makes it so much harder. It’s like a double edged sword. I like to go to Christmas events because I like to see the wonder and awe and innocence that children bring to it all, but then it gets to a point where there are children everywhere, and my arms start to ache and it starts to get to be to painful to be around them. I know things happen when they’re supposed to, but I’m not getting any younger here!

My Husband ROCKS!

To learn more about My Husband Rocks Fridays, click on the icon on my sidebar.

Katy Lin prompted us to talk about our favorite Christmas memory with our husbands…

My most favorite Christmas memory EVER (not just with the Hubs) is the year before we got married. He had just moved into *our* apartment in August (I lived with my parents until after the wedding) and we were getting married in Feb. Wedding plans were in full swing, and we were starting to get REALLY excited.

He didn’t have any Christmas decorations, and just wasn’t going to decorate. We didn’t have a lot of money, and what little we did have was going toward gifts and wedding related items, so we took a trip to Wal-Mart and the Dollar store. My parents had bought a pre-lit tree the year before for very little money and gave it to us for the apartment. I bought construction paper and made paper chains, and we bought some “pine” garland and other decorations. It was simple and nice.

My favorite part, though, was after the apartment was decorated. We turned off all of the lights except for the tree and talked for hours about how we wanted our lives to turn out, and Christmases past and future. I think I fell in love with him all over again that night, and it made me even more excited for the day we would finally become husband and wife.

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And as a bonus:

My husband rocks this week because he made dinner. Twice! I don’t think he realized how nice it was to come home and not have to figure out what to eat and then put the effort in to making it and cleaning it up. Thanks, Honey!

Neurotic Tendencies

Usually around this time of year, I’m SOOOOO ready for the New Year to come. I’m usually burned out, and ready for a fresh start. It’s a great time to look back on the year past and reflect on everything that has happened, and all of the lessons learned.

That being said… I HATE HATE HATE and LOATHE the “year in review” issues of pretty much everything. It seems like everywhere you look, some magazine or blog or website or TV show is doing a year in review item. I’m sorry, but I was there. I lived through it. It’s old news and boring to me now. What’s the point in re-hashing it? Is there no new news at the end of every year?

Maybe I should add- I’m one of those people who will only read a book or watch a movie one time (with a few exceptions, of course). I don’t buy CDs because I get sick of the songs on it so fast that it’s just not worth the money to me. I rarely watch re-runs on TV (the Office and Friends are pretty much the only exceptions to that). I’ve always been this way- even with my appearance. I get sick of my hair and clothes ALL THE TIME.

Am I the only one who feels this way? (Does it seem like I’m always asking for reassurance? Is this some hidden insecurity? Should I see a shrink? Am I crazy?!)

My Husband Rocks!

I’m pretty sure I posted this story once before, but I searched (skimmed) my archives and I can’t find it. SO, inspired by Katy Lin’s prompt, (That woman is amazing, by the way. MHRF is such an inspired idea! ) here is the story of how I met my Husband…

I was 20. I had just gotten out of a long-term long-distance relationship earlier in the year. I was having a great time, hanging out with friends, going on a lot of dates, and in a completely commitment-phobic state. At this point in my life, my friends told me that they were going to stop trying to set me up, because if a guy seemed too interested, I’d bail and leave them wondering what the heck happened. I hurt a lot of really great people during that time, and it’s not something I’m really proud of. I was going 100 miles an hour, and I didn’t really look around to see what was actually going on. I said my next relationship would be someone who would make me slow down and enjoy things… Then my friend, “Hippie,” started dating J.

I met my husband on a blind date. See, the Hubs is J’s BFF and Hippie is mine. (Yes, I said BFF. Whatever.) She wanted me to meet J, and J wanted the Hubs to meet me (thanks, guys!) I had talked to J a few times on AIM, and he assured me that this most definitely was NOT a setup. Of course it wasn’t, he said, because he had promised the Hubs that he wouldn’t ever try to set him up. While telling me this, however, he also was asking me the “getting to know you for someone else” questions. I had to explain to him that I’m pretty much the opposite of Hippie and he said something to the tune of “that’s great! Bonger (the Hubs’ nickname-it’s not a fun story so don’t ask.) and I have pretty much opposite taste!”

Here comes this guy who is tall (6’5”) lily white (kinda like me- must be the german/irish blood) and dressed in big baggy clothes. Honestly, I thought he was a skater boy, and I immediately thought of hooking him up with my friend from work. (Looking back on that now- it would have been a BIG mistake! Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum…. I think she would have scared him away within the first 5 minutes.) As the night went on, though, he really impressed me. (And at this point in my life, that was REALLY hard for a guy to do. I was pretty jaded.) He was laid back and funny. We got along right away (we didn’t have much of a choice since the Hipster and J were in their own little bubble) and had a lot of fun. He worked at a hospital in the ER and loved his job. The boys didn’t let us pay for anything (kind of a big deal for me considering a lot of the past dates I’ve been on), and most of all, I was completely comfortable around him. I was being my goofy self, and I didn’t care, and neither did he, apparently!

It took a while for him to finally ask me out on a *real* date. We went to see the movie I AM SAM and I ended up bawling my eyes out. Half of his shirt was soaked with tears by the end of the night, but he didn’t run away screaming! We’re pretty opposite in a lot of our interests, but, for the most part, he’s exactly what I’ve always wanted in a man. He really made me slow down and enjoy life. He encouraged me to be myself, and he loves me anyway!

That is how I met my Husband- and why he rocks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am truly, truly blessed.

*I have a husband who loves me and who I am madly in love with.
*I have family who will forgive me all of my (many) flaws.
*I have parents who are happily married, and who have provided a strong model for my husband and I to follow.
*I have sisters who are my very best friends and confidants.
*I have nieces who carry my heart and soul.
*I have a great relationship with my in-laws.
*I have a dog and a cat who love me unconditionally.
*I have friends who welcome me with open arms, even when I have pushed them away for long periods of time.
*I have a roof over my head and food in my cabinets.
*I have a car that takes me where I need to go.
*I have a job that supports me.
*I am (relatively) healthy.
*I can see, taste, hear, smell, and feel all of the gifts that God has sent me.

For all these things, and so much more, I am sincerely Thankful.

Thanksgiving Prayer

I saw this prayer in today's Dear Abby column and it really hit home. I hope all of you have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, Heavenly Father,
We thank thee for food and
remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and
remember the sick.

We thank thee for freedom and
remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir
us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be
used for others. Amen.

My TWILIGHT review!

If you don't want to read spoilers, STOP HERE!
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Ok, I warned you!

So I went to see Twilight last night with the girl who got me into it. I think we were both just a little disappointed, though.

First of all, we got there an hour early and were the second in line to get seats, so we got perfect seats! There were some annoying people who snuck in somehow before the doors opened, but whatever. The show was sold out (of course) and we only counted 8 males in the room. pretty funny.

As far as the movie itself.... it's so hard to put that kind of story into a 2 hour movie and not make it seem forced and sped up. I understand that a lot of things needed to be condensed and edited, but for some reason it changed the feel of the story. (ie- when Bella first figures out what Edward is, she asks a ton of questions and then he needs to take his turn. It made her seem more interested and involved. In the movie, Edward is the one asking all of the questions, so it almost seems like Bella doesn't care or something.) If I wouldn't have read the book, I would have been completely lost, I think.

The thing that killed it for me, though, was the casting! Billy, Jacob, Charlie, and most of the Cullens were perfect! (There wasn't enough Cullens for me in it, though. They were VERY underdeveloped. I think they totally could have made the movie an hour longer. People would have sat through it, and it would have helped A LOT.) HOWEVER, I still couldn't quite get into RP as Edward, and most importantly, I couldn't relate to KS as Bella. The thing that sold me in the book is that Bella is so "everygirl" In the movie she's just so... I don't know how to describe it.... uninvolved, maybe? It almost seemed like her character was completely different in the movie than in the book. I was really distracted because of her line delivery and her body language. Maybe it was just bad directing? I dunno. It seemed like she was always breathing hard and talking through clenched teeth and shaking. She's very shaky.

The thing that killed it for me was the scene in the woods/meadow. When she told him she knew what he was she was breathing really hard and shaking and giving absolutely every indication that she was scared to death..... which kinda defeats the purpose of the scene, I think, as far as her character is concerned and as far as their whole dynamic is concerned. I always thought that she was supposed to be completely confident in the fact that she knew what he was and she didn't care, because he was Edward and that's all that mattered. That scene was TOTALLY unconvincing for me, and it's my favorite scene, so I was really really disappointed. Also, I always pictured the sparkling as like looking at an opal, with the rainbow colored flecks. He kinda looked like they covered him in body glitter. If I were to see him in the sun, I would just think "Hey, that guy's crazy. chill on the body glitter, man" not "Hey, that guy isn't human."


The redeeming things, though, were the prom scene in the gazebo (no stuttering or shaking or heavy breathing. She was the Bella I imagined in that moment.) Alice and Emmet! Not enough screen time, but TOTALLY perfect :) Edward the first time he drove her to school (got out of the car all cocky and cool and happy as opposed to the rest of the movie where he's all broody all the time). Charlie! (I almost cried when she stormed out on him and he was trying to convince her to stay)

The thing that made it all worth it: the collective gasp/sigh from the audience the first time Edward stepped on screen. I did it, too, and I TOTALLY didn't think I would.

I'm definitely going to see it again. With all its flaws, it's still really good entertainment- and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

MY HUSBAND ROCKS!

My Husband Rocks because of the following email conversation:

HE: so just made a calendar for a girl I used to work with at Giant Eagle back in da day, had a thing for her..she dissed me when I asked..now I look at her and say man what was I thinkin! :)

ME: Because I’m so much better, right?!

HE: well DUH! I thought that was already figured in but I guess not…

Every once in a while, I girl just needs to hear it, OK?! I’m really glad that we can email each other at work. It’s those little gems that help me make it through some days…..

Jon&Kate&IF&Us

I know, right? You’re thinking 3 posts in 3 days?! It has to be some sort of miracle! Honestly, I think I just had to admit to myself and to the world that I’m in a rut, and then the floodgates of communication opened up. Amazing how that happens….




You know that commercial on TLC where it’s Jon and Kate and they’re holding hands and they look up and smile at each other? Why does it affect me so much? I bawl like a baby every time I see it, and it makes the Hubs laugh. I know I’m not the only one…. I’ve read your blogs. I know you cry too! What is it about that commercial, though? I mean, I know it was all staged, but it just looked like we stepped in to a real, perfect moment, right? I usually fast forward through commercials ( DVR is the world’s best invention- aside from indoor plumbing) but this one I stop and watch every time!




I just love them, and I love their kids, and I love how they’re just so real with each other all the time. I think, too, that I love how they struggled with infertility. I wouldn’t wish IF on anyone, but it makes me have hope that we can get to the other side of this struggle. (Hopefully not with 8 kids, but whatever it takes, I guess.)




What amazing episodes that have had lately, too! San Diego! HAWAII!!! How amazing and beautiful! (I’ve always dreamed of going to Hawaii. I actually cry when I see pictures of it, because I have no idea when/if I’ll ever make it there. I was watching Jon & Kate +8 with the Hubs and said “I WILL make it there before I die.” My Husband, who never wants to put us in unnecessary debt - and a vacation is always seen as unnecessary debt - said “I will get you there someday. We might be 70, and I might have to put us in debt up to our eyeballs, but I WILL get you there.” ::sigh:)




I’m so glad that they always mention how grateful they are to have the opportunities that they are given because of the show. I know they probably sit back every once in a while and say “I have no idea how we would be able to survive if it weren’t for the show.” I mean, can you imagine?! I know from seeing my sister raise twins that multiple infants/ toddlers are expensive. Can you imagine 6 of them?! I just have no idea how anyone could handle that. I’m sure they see it as a prayer answered x 100.




Wow, that was a lot of rambling about a TV show, huh? As far as our IF struggle is going…. I’m now up to 1500mg of Met, but I’m not really losing any weight. I haven’t been able to get out and exercise much, though, so that might be part of it. I’m not sure if I ovulated this month. I had a temp shift (but I slacked one weekend and didn’t temp- of course that’s when I should have seen the shift) but I didn’t have any cm, and fertility friend didn’t mention anything about an O…. however, I started spotting this morning, so that’s a good sign (I’ve been sick most of the month, so I was 100% sure that I wasn’t pregnant. AF would mean that the met is working, right?! I mean, how do you really know that it’s working?) We can’t really afford any treatments until after the holidays, so I’m going to call after the first of the year to get in for a consultation with the RE, so that the Hubs knows what he’s getting into when he agrees to do IUI…. I guess we’ll go from there!




I want to thank everyone who responded to my last couple of posts….especially the one where I mentioned our rut. Those responses really helped me get my mind going in the right direction. I missed you all, too!

Winter, you suck.

I don’t know if this is something you all know about me, but I HATE winter! Most of all, I hate driving in the snow. Maybe hate isn’t the right word…. LOATHE is more like it. The person going 20 on the highway and driving you crazy? That’s me. Yes, I live in Ohio, and yes, I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. I probably won’t ever be used to it. I hate the fact that it takes me an hour and a half in the winter months to get to work, and at least that long to get home. I get so tense behind the wheel that by the time I get to where I’m going, I’m shaking and crying as soon as I stop the car. Its borderline traumatic. I’m not kidding. I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way, right?



Now let’s talk about the fact that it’s snowing before Thanksgiving, and I’m getting in the mood for Christmas. I’m not ready for that yet! I like to enjoy the holidays one at a time, thanks. Now I feel like I’ve missed Thanksgiving all together, and that’s not fun. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays! I love just getting together with friends and family and actually spending time together. I love fall decorations and the warm colors and the cozy feeling of the not-yet-too-cold. I like looking forward to Thanksgiving. Don’t take that away from me, snow! Not yet! I’m not ready! Let’s compromise- hold off until the day after Thanksgiving from now on, and I’ll let you snow as much as you want until April. Then you have to stop, because April means spring. You don’t get all of the months of the year, you know……….

Let's have a Pity Party!

Pity party for one, please.



Some random complaints:



~ I hate snow, and it’s been snowing since yesterday. And sticking a little bit.



~ The mascara I just bought (Maybelline XXL Volume/Length- I think that’s the name of it) is the WORST mascara I have ever used. Even worse than the stuff in those $10 makeup gift sets that I used to get from my mom for Christmas. It neither lengthened or volumized my lashes, the makeup is hard to get off of the wand, and the brushes are really stiff and pointy. They won’t be coming near my eyes again. I wonder if I can return it.



~ Last Thursday, there was a pipe leak above my department. My desk, and the desk of 3 other co-workers were drenched. I lost a bunch of stuff, and had to move to a desk on the other side of the floor while they clean the mess. As of today, the smell is better, but there’s still about 6 fans blowing and some dehumidifiers running. Also, the carpet on my floor looks like an elephant peed on it. I don’t see it being fixed any time soon. In the meantime, my work life is incredibly inconvenient, as my printer and all of my files are still over there.



Last:



The Hubs and I are in a really deep rut, almost Grand Canyon proportions, and can’t figure out how to dig ourselves out. I think we’re in too deep. We can’t afford to take a vacation, although I think that would help. We don’t even have enough extra money to go away for a night. How do you reconnect when you get in a rut like that? I’m open to any/all suggestions!

My Husband ROCKS!

To find out more about My Husband Rocks! Friday, click here.



First of all, I want to say that I know I’m a terrible blogger/commenter lately. It’s a combination of a lot of things, and I’m trying to write a post about it, but I just can’t seem to get the words right. Hopefully things will come together soon and I can get back to my bloggy self.



This week the Hubs rocks because he let me let my emotions fly. I’ve kinda been struggling with a lot of things lately, and I’ve had crazy mood swings. I’ve really needed to just yell and scream, or cry, or sing at the top of my lungs and dance around the house. He’s really let me do it all- and he even participates sometimes, which is great…. especially since I think everyone needs a good shouting match every now and then. I’m a lucky woman.

Proud to be an American!

We made history last night. Whether you voted for Obama or McCain, you voted. In record numbers, you voted. I am so moved by this, that I tear up just thinking about it. The people of the United States of America have a voice, and that voice was heard loud and clear last night.



I am so honored to be alive during this time in history. Yes, times are hard, and many may not agree with his policies, but Barack Obama was just elected as the President of the United States of America… and we were all a part of (arguably) the most historical election this country has ever seen. We can tell our children “I was there when we elected the first African-American into the White House.” Maybe we can say we helped put him there. Maybe we can say that we volunteered with the campaign. Maybe we can say that we attended one of his rallies, or donated a piece of our paychecks, or posted a sign our yard, or put a bumper sticker on our car. Regardless, we broke a barrier last night, and the election of 2008 will be forever marked as a turning point in our nation’s history. (For the record, the same could be said if McCain was elected into office. If that were the case, we could be proud of the fact that we helped put the first woman into the role of Vice President.)



Will Obama bring about the change he promises? I hope so. Will he be able to fulfill all of his campaign promises? Probably not. Who knows? Maybe this could be the worst mistake our country has ever made, and we’ll all be ashamed of the fact that we put the Obama family in the White House. Only time will tell. In the meantime, my hope is that this country will come together as a unified force and embrace the historical value of this day. I pray that we can all find a way to come together and rebuild what has been broken in America, so that it will be a better place for our children and their children.

My Husband ROCKS!

My husband Rocks today because he’s getting excited about our Halloween Party tomorrow! I kinda sprang the idea on him a couple of weeks ago, fully expecting him to freak out and tell me no- but he’s been really “gung-ho” about the whole thing. I’m etty pumped! He even agreed to be K-Fed to my Crazy Britney. Don’t worry, I’ll post a pic or two.

Girlfriends

Let me tell you a story…..



Once upon a time, I was in high school. I had gone to a Catholic school from Kindergarten- 8th grade, so the transition from my grade school to a public high school was a big culture shock. I hate to admit this, but I was kinda raised to be afraid of “public school kids.” According to my teachers, they all smoked, swore, and were altogether bad kids. I was TERRIFIED for my first day…. and even more terrified when one of my first encounters with “public school kids” proved that my grade school teachers were right. I felt so out of place and so uncomfortable. I didn’t seem to have anything in common with anyone. Then, I discovered theatre- and through that, I met some of the most amazing people, and some of those people became my best friends.



“My Girls” and I became pretty much inseparable. We supported each other when needed (and, lets face it, this was high school… we needed it a lot.) We had sleepovers and girls nights. We shared clothes (and boys.) We weren’t afraid to be 100% ourselves, because we knew the others would be there for us no matter what. We made some of the most hysterical memories that we hold close even today. We all knew that we were so blessed to have each other in our lives. We were family.



Graduation came and went. We all tried to stay in contact, but, like it tends to do, life seemed to get in the way. We were trying to forge our paths in life. The phone calls and emails became less and less frequent until they stopped. Once in a while we would run into each other, promise to call or email, and then go on with our lives. In the meantime, I met and became close to a number of amazing people who are still in my life and still very much a part of my heart.



Looking back, I think we needed to grow apart for that time. We all needed to figure out our own identities, and I don’t think we could have done that if we didn’t lose touch. It would have been too hard to “find ourselves” when we were still in that group mentality. The solidity that held us all together and kept us going through some of the hardest years of our lives would have held us all back. I see that now, and, as much as I have missed them over the years, I am grateful for it. God has a plan, and he doesn’t make mistakes.




A few weeks ago, I had a “date” to meet L for dinner. (L and I did stay in touch for the most part. We would go months without talking, but we knew we could always pick up where we left off. She was even in my wedding.) L told me that she had a surprise guest for me. The surprise guest also brought 2 surprises of her own. For the first time in 9 years, we were all in the same room at the same time. Even though SO much had changed, and it had been so many years, it felt almost like nothing had changed. Within minutes we were all laughing effortlessly again, and sharing stories. Sitting in the same spot in the same restaurant we had frequented as teenagers, it felt surreal. I realized, again- and in a much deeper sense, how lucky I am to know these women. How lucky and incredibly blessed I am to have them in my life again. How amazing, strong, and inspiring they all are.



In the time we had spent apart, we had all made our own lives, and proved how strong we really are. On that day, one of us was VERY pregnant, and going through a divorce. One of us was in town only temporarily to get some much needed R&R before heading out as a cast member in the national tour of “Grease”, thus living the dream that we had all shared years ago. One of us was a nurse, working in the ICU at a local hospital. One of us had more or less dropped everything to help raise her little brother. And then there is me, of course, dealing with IF.



After that visit, I know we all felt reconnected. A few days later, L had her baby and we all rallied together to welcome her into the world. Yesterday, we all got together to send B off on her tour and spend just a few more minutes together as a whole. We’re planning to get together and see her when “Grease” comes to our area. I don’t know what God has planned for our lives, but, for now, we’re becoming a family again. The place in my heart that was reserved for them has been overflowing, and I know that I am truly blessed.

My Husband Rocks!!

For more information on My Husband Rocks! Friday, click here.



My husband rocks this week because he's dedicated.Not only is he dedicated to me, and our marriage and future family, but he’s also a very dedicated employee. He loves the company he works for, and it shows. He works overtime whenever necessary and never complains. He takes pride in his work and promotes his business whenever he can. Often we’ll be driving around and he’ll point out the companies that he works closely with and makes note of the companies that he thinks would be good for them to partner with.



I’m sure I’ve said it here before, but my husband’s company is dependant on the economy. They deal with car dealerships and real estate agents. If homes and cars aren’t selling, then my husband’s company doesn’t get any work, and, in turn, doesn’t make any money. He could easily get a sales job somewhere, probably making more money, but he is 100% on board with his current company. As frustrating as it is sometimes, I am so proud of his dedication. I probably don’t say it enough, but I am. He inspires me.

100th post!

Listening to the news is depressing. The Hubs just emailed me that CNN is reporting 81,312 housing foreclosures in September alone. I think I need to get out of my rut and count my blessings, because I know I have many.



- I have a nice house in the suburbs, and can pay for it.

- The Hubs and I have stable jobs (knock on wood)

- My marriage is happy and solid.

- I have a family who I am very close to. They are very supportive of me and my struggles with PCOS and IF.

- I have beautiful twin nieces who I love more than my own life. They give me hope for the future.

- I have friends who I love and who I know will always be there for me- even if I’ve been a flake and haven’t called them for weeks or, um, months.

- Even though money is tight, I don’t have to choose between paying a bill or eating every month.

- All 6 of my senses work. (Yes, 6. Didn’t you know that all women have a 6th sense called intuition?)

- My subconscious sends me some pretty crazy dreams at night to keep me entertained. (Is that weird? I LOVE to sleep because my dreams are always so neat…. Especially now that I’m drinking milk every night with my metformin)

- I’m spending my lunch break today with my long lost best friends from High school.




There’s so much more, but those are the ones I can think of off of the top of my head. I am blessed.



Also, this is my 100th post! YAY!

1999

1999 is the year I graduated from HS. And it's the year I got my first job. And it's the year I started college. I think I might have met my "first love" that year, too, but we didn't start dating until 2000. (That's another story for another day.) That being said, I stole this little fun game from Erin at Seriously?!




The Rules:


A.) Go to musicoutfitters.com


B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the
list of 100 most popular songs of that year.


C.) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you REALLY hate. I'm blogger illiterate, so my hate ones will be red.





1. Believe, Cher


2. No Scrubs, TLC


3. Angel Of Mine, Monica


4. Heartbreak Hotel, Whitney Houston


5. ...Baby One More Time, Britney Spears


6. Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer


7. Genie In A Bottle, Christina Aguilera


8. Every Morning, Sugar Ray


9. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here, Deborah Cox


10. Livin' La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin


11. Where My Girls At?, 702


12. If You Had My Love, Jennifer Lopez


13. Slide, Goo Goo Dolls


14. Have You Ever?, Brandy


15. I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys


16. I'm Your Angel, R. Kelly and Celine Dion


17. All Star, Smash Mouth


18. Angel, Sarah McLachlan


19. Smooth, Santana Featuring Rob Thomas


20. Unpretty, TLC


21. Bills, Bills, Bills, Destiny's Child


22. Save Tonight, Eagle-Eye Cherry


23. Last Kiss, Pearl Jam


24. Fortunate, Maxwell


25. All I Have To Give, Backstreet Boys


26. Bailamos, Enrique Iglesias


27. What's It Gonna Be?!, Busta Rhymes Featuring Janet


28. What It's Like, Everlast


29. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz


30. Someday, Sugar Ray


31. Lately, Divine


33. Wild Wild West, Will Smith Featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee


34. Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers


35. Heartbreaker, Mariah Carey Featuring Jay-Z


36. I Still Believe, Mariah Carey


37. The Hardest Thing, 98 Degrees


38. Summer Girls, LFO


39. Can I Get A..., Jay-Z Featuring Amil (Of Major Coinz) and Ja


40. Jumper, Third Eye Blind


41. Doo Wop (That Thing), Lauryn Hill


42. Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...), Lou Bega


43. Sweet Lady, Tyrese


44. It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston


45. (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You, 'N Sync


46. Lullaby, Shawn Mullins


47. Anywhere, 112 Featuring Lil'Z


48. Tell Me It's Real, K-Ci and JoJo


49. Back 2 Good, Matchbox 20


50. 808, Blaque


51. She's So High, Tal Bachman


52. She's All I Ever Had, Ricky Martin


53. Miami, Will Smith


54. Hands, Jewel


55. Who Dat, JT Money Featuring Sole


56. Please Remember Me, Tim McGraw


57. From This Moment On, Shania Twain


58. Love Like This, Faith Evans


59. You, Jesse Powell


60. Trippin', Total Featuring Missy Elliott


61. If You (Lovin' Me), Silk


62. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill


63. Give It To You, Jordan Knight


64. Black Balloon, Goo Goo Dolls


65. Spend My Life With You, Eric Benet Featuring Tamia


66. These Are The Times, Dru Hill


67. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, Mark Chesnutt


68. I Do (Cherish You), 98 Degrees


69. Because Of You, 98 Degrees


70. I Will Remember You (Live), Sarah McLachlan


71. Chante's Got A Man, Chante Moore


72. Happily Ever After, Case


73. My Love Is Your Love, Whitney Houston


74. All Night Long, Faith Evans Featuring Puff Daddy


75. Back That Thang Up, Juvenile Featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil' Wayne


76. Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy


77. Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Shania Twain


78. Steal My Sunshine, Len


79. I Need To Know, Marc Anthony


80. So Anxious, Ginuwine


81. Faded Pictures, Case and Joe


82. Back At One, Brian McKnight


83. When A Woman's Fed Up, R. Kelly


84. How Forever Feels, Kenny Chesney


85. Amazed, Lonestar


86. Sometimes, Britney Spears


87. Ghetto Cowboy, Mo Thugs Family Featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony


88. Out Of My Head, Fastball


89. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem), Jay-Z


90. Jamboree, Naughty By Nature Featuring Zhane


91. Take Me There, BLACKstreet and Mya Featuring Mase and Blinky Blink


92. Stay The Same, Joey McIntyre


93. Lesson In Leavin', Jo Dee Messina


94. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls


95. Satisfy You, Puff Daddy Featuring R. Kelly


96. Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out), Citizen King


97. Music Of My Heart, 'N Sync and Gloria Estefan


98. Write This Down, George Strait


99. When You Believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey


100. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, Alabama Featuring 'N Sync





Some of these songs (Like..Baby one more time) I HATED when they first came out... and then they grew on me and I ended up LOVING THEM! Don't judge, just play along!

I've been tagged (again)

I've been tagged by Michelle for this nifty little meme that I haven't seen before. I like it, so I will participate. If I didn't like it, I'd be a bad blogger and ignore it. Yeah, that's how I roll. Now for the questions...




1.Do you have the same friends since childhood?
Not really. I still stay in touch with some people from grade school, but they're mostly my sister's friends. I do still talk to a few people from High School, but I've mostly moved on.




2. What do you value most about your friends?
They make me laugh... even when I don't want to. And they make me feel like I'm worth something- which is really worth a lot!




3. Are your friends sounding boards?
OH yes!



4. What is your favorite activity to share with friends?
Really, just sitting around and sharing stories and laughing until we're crying. I don't require much, just a good conversation. And some wine and/or chocolate!




And now... I think I'm gonna tag..........

Andrea
Stacy
Jendeis
and Katy Lin

Please read

I found this story by going through a number of channels. While I have never had a miscarriage, most of the things in this post couldn't be more relevant to my life. Please take a minute (or 5 or so.. it's a bit long) to read GiBee's story.

Thanks.

prayers needed

Well, I guess God does work in mysterious ways. I was in the middle of writing a post about my 1 person pity party when my boss came to me with a story that really made me put myself in check….



Her neighbor told her over the weekend that she is 4 months pregnant. However, there is a complication. The baby has too many chromosomes and will most likely be severely handicapped. They have to make the hardest decision that no parent should have to make- to carry the baby to term, or to abort. They also have 2 younger children ages 2 and 3. Please keep this family in your prayers. I cannot imagine being in their position.

I guess I shouldn't be so shocked...

Tested last night and got a BFN (big fat negative.) Went to try again this morning and AF showed up. I don't know why I'm surprised.

What do you think

Of my new look? I'm kinda digging it.

A bundle of something.....

This might come out to be a bit incoherent. Please be patient with me… I’m trying to sort some stuff out.



I’ve not ever been one of those people who analyzes if I have pregnancy symptoms or not. I don’t normally have strong feelings that I COULD be pregnant. This month, though, it’s different, and I’m not sure if I like it…..



I’ve been analyzing my symptoms. I feel sick almost all the time. I’ve been exhausted and asleep by 9:30 every night. (I would be asleep sooner if I didn’t have so much to do before I could get myself to bed. ) I feel like I’ve been blown up like a balloon. I’m lightheaded and a bit dizzy. I’ve been having some cramps and my boobs are KILLING ME




All of these could be signs of pregnancy, but they are also PMS symptoms and most are also side effects of Metformin. I’m trying SO hard not to get my hopes up. I’m trying to tell myself that I’m probably not pregnant- because why would this month be any different from the last 15 months? It’s been so easy to brush off these types of symptoms before, why not now?




Is it maybe because the Hubs is being so optimistic? Is it because my sister in law just has a feeling? I called her the other day, and she was just so sure I was calling to tell her that I was pregnant. They’re coming home next week for a bit (The Hubs’ brother has a temp job down in FL) and I would LOVE to be able to tell them some good news.




So I guess it all comes down do this: Do I want to be pregnant? Of COURSE! Do I think I AM pregnant? Yes. But No. But Maybe…… I’m a bundle of something (Nerves? Excitement? Anticipation?) and I need to either 1) get a visit from AF (not a welcome option) or 2) hurry up and get to Monday so that I can test. And then the test needs to be positive. And then I can relax. Kinda.

My Husband Rocks

My Husband Rocks this week because he lets me have my own life, and he really looks forward to the time we can spend together. I haven't been home much this week- and when I have been home, I've mostly been sleeping..... so he's been (more or less) planning his life around me this week. AND we're going on a date tonight. That means I don't have to cook. His idea. THAT'S why I love him :)

Metformin kinda sucks

I started taking Metformin on Friday night, and I'm not really a fan of the side effects. I read some warnings on soulcysters.net and made sure to take it RIGHT before I go to bed and to take it with a glass of milk......



Fist of all, the pills have a bit of a fishy smell in the bottle. Not appetizing. And then, about 5 minutes after I take it, my whole body feels really dizzy. I wasn't able to ride in a car (driving was OK) most of the weekend, because I kept getting car sick. Even the 5 minute trip to church yesterday made me want to hurl. ugh! And also, until about halfway through the day, I feel like I have a mild/moderate hangover. I really hope this doesn't last.



Do any of you in bloggy land have experience with Met, or some advice to give me? I'm only on 500mg now, and the RE wants me to get up to 1500mg. I can't see this happening, but maybe I'm just super sensative because I've only just started to take it.....

My Husband Rocks!

Happy Friday, everyone! Things are pretty crazy over in our corner of the sky. Crazy busy with a whole lot of nothing (except waiting out the 2ww, of course.) The Hubs and I are going to a concert tonight, and I'm so excited! Brandon Heath (who I'm completely in love with) and Sara Groves (Who I fell in love with at a Jars of Clay concert) are playing in a church that is about 5ish minutes away from my house. How excited am I?! Pretty excited. Friday night is usually our unofficial "date night." We like to take the time to just get out of the house and do things as a couple- even if those things turn out to be running errands, at least we're doing it together. So.. I'm pumped.



This week, my amazing and wonderful husband rocks because he's so hopeful about this cycle of Clomid. I've asked him to kinda keep his confidence on the down low, because I REALLY don't want to be dissappointed or to dissappoint him. I have to admit, though, that his hopefulness is contagious! He has been so supportive of all of the RE appointments I've had to go to, and he has been totally committed to making sure I have whatever I need to get me through this stressful time. He's pretty much the awesome-est.

lunch time phone convo

The Hubs: So, how are you feeling?



Me: Um, fine.... why?



The Hubs: No, I mean, do you feel anything? Like, do you feel a baby yet?



(I'm 3dpo)



I'm glad he's optimistic this cycle. Let's just hope his optimism turns into a baby.

Monday, Monday....

I am briefly emerging from my Twilight Haze to give you, my lovely internet, an update on all things fertility related.





Friday: Dished out $20 for the RE to tell me, with a flick of the vag cam, that my follicle wasn’t ready to trigger yet.




Saturday: Got up super early to drive BACK to RE to give up another $20 and get my HCG shot. Is it normal for the injection site to be sore for 48 hours after the shot? I was wincing in pain most of the weekend.




Today: Went in to discuss the results of all of the poking and prodding. Not bad, but not great. Turns out, I DO have PCOS with insulin resistance. We did some (more) blood work, and I have a prescription for Metformin waiting to be filled. (I’ve heard people talk about how amazing it is, but I don’t know much about it. Any stories to share?) Also, my uterus looks good, and all of my hormone levels are normal. He told me I should try to lose at least 7% of my body weight (like I haven’t been trying) but I’m not allowed to do more than a “brisk walk” as far as exercise goes. That means no more Zumba. (I asked him. I guess it’s a good think he told me now. The registration opens up for the next session soon, and I was planning on signing up for 2 sessions instead of 1 a week. So sad. )






So, have I missed anything big in Bloggyland? My google reader is beyond ridiculous in the amount of posts that I’m backed up on…… so I apologize if I haven’t been commenting/reading on a regular basis. I will return to normal as soon as I’m finished with Breaking Dawn (the last book in the Twilight series, which I am now reading) I promise I will!

My Husband Rocks! (AND a Giveaway)

I missed last week, so I guess maybe I should do double duty this week! My Husband ROCKS!



So this past week was our birthay week. The Hubs is only 3 days older than me, but he's not as into birthdays as I am. We had decided we weren't going to get anything for each other (again) this year, because money was tight. I kept up my end of the bargain (well, I got him a card), but, at midnight on wed/thurs he surprised me with a little something :) He bought me the ear buds that I have been drooling over for about a month now. Now I won't have to deal with them falling out of my ears while I'm working out! How cool is that?!




Also this week, my best friend stayed with us for a couple of days. She lives in Arizona, and she and The Hubs haven's always gotten along so well. Wednesday night he went out of his way and sat up talking with us. It made me feel really good, and she got really excited because she said "I think we're friends, now!" It was a pretty great time.



** As always, to find out more about My Husband Rocks Fridays, please visit Katy Lin at The Great Adventure. This week, in honor of her anniversary, she is having a pretty great giveaway. Pop on over and check her out!**

Well, Hello There!

I apologize for my absence this past week. You see, I have fallen into the “Twilight” obsession, and can’t seem to dig myself out of it! It’s bad, people. Really REALLY bad.



If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you need to read the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. It sounds pretty stupid when you try to describe it to someone : Girl moves to new town and falls in love with boy- who happens to be a vampire…… but OMG! These books are so much more than that!!! First, it’s pretty much the most INTENSE love story since Romeo and Juliet- and I’m not even exaggerating. By the end of the first book, if you’re not completely in love with Edward, then there’s probably something wrong with you- because he’s pretty amazing.




Stephanie Meyer has this talent of putting complex, powerful emotions into the simplest of terms. I’m amazed at how well she is able to bring things up in my emotional memories that I thought were long ago buried. HOLY FREAKIN’ COW!




K, I’m done ranting and raving now. Read the books. I’m not kidding.

And so it goes...

Yesterday was my big appointment with the RE. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but OH MY GOODNESS did I get whole lot of info in a short time! Yesterday was my big appointment with the RE. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but OH MY GOODNESS did I get whole lot of info in a short time!



This Dr was very highly recommended by some of my favorite local ladies, so I was excited to finally meet him. I have to say, he was pretty great. I’m all about the no-nonsense-get- this- show- on- the- road approach, and, apparently, so is he. Yesterday just so happened to be CD2, so I was swept up in a whirlwind of poking and prodding and blood taking and also an unexpected date with the vag cam. Those are always fun, right?



After all was said and, um, done, I left with a whole bunch of stuff swimming in my head, and I needed some time to sort it out. It comes down to this: He doesn’t think that I have PCOS after all. I know, right?! I think he pretty much based his decision on the fact that I don’t have a ton of excess hair all over the place- because he asked like 4 times. He thinks I’m just anovulatory. That’s nice of him.



SO! Today I start 100mg of Clomid (if the side effects of 50mg were bad, I’m really afraid to see what happens with this stuff.) I go back on Monday for a SHG (on my lunch break. I know you’re jealous.) and then I go back AGAIN on Friday for a mid-cycle check up. THEN they’re going to give me an HCG trigger- and THEN the Hubs and I get to “do it”- and THEN I get to go back the next day for a post-coital exam. Getting knocked up is so romantic, isn’t it?



********************


In other news, I have a copy of Twilight sitting on my desk just waiting for me to start reading. I’ve been wanting to read this for MONTHS to see what all of the hype is about, so I kinda wish I could leave “sick” and go home to read it. I was told that this book was going to “make my life inconvenient.” I haven’t even opened it yet, and already my life is “inconvenient!” HA!

MY HUSBAND ROCKS!!!

I’m trying to think about a specific reason this week that my husband rocks, but I just can’t- there are too many! He is so sweet and kind and caring and can make lemonade out of the most sour of lemons. He is my true partner in life, and I am so in love with him!



P.S. Some of my SITStas asked me to share the blog that I referred to in last week’s installment of MHR. After speaking with the Hubs, he would prefer that I not do that, because then the thing I was trying to be so discreet about would become obvious. However, I’m planning an upcoming post in which I’ll feature some of my favorite marriage related blogs for any of you who are interested.

Where were you?

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years. I can’t believe that one day in history can change so many lives, and leave such a lasting impression. I think I will always remember the events of that day- the fear, the confusion, the surprise that something like that could happen to US! We were supposed to be invincible. Isn’t that what they taught us growing up?



The sequence of events will forever be burned in my mind. I woke up to the news, but I thought that it was “just” a bomb. The most devastating thing that I had seen up until then was the bombing of Oklahoma City, so I thought it was more of the same. It was sad, but it was isolated and I wasn’t too concerned. I went to class- and then the second plane hit. Then the panic set in. People all over campus were glued to any TV available. It was pandemonium. I was terrified that this was the beginning of WWIII and we were all going to get killed by nukes.



I had ridden to campus with my brother, and I couldn’t find him. I called his cell phone multiple times with no answer. Hysteria was starting to set in. (Ok, really, I do tend to go from 0 to FREAK OUT really fast, so hysteria really wasn’t that big of a jump for me.) I was running all over campus trying to locate him- and I finally did. In the cafeteria. Eating a slice of pizza. Not really caring that we could all be dead in a minute. I wanted to slap him…. Especially when I told him that we needed to get home and he told me that I needed to chill out and let him finish eating first. That’s my brother for you.



I was scheduled to work that day, but I didn’t want to leave my house. My mom convinced me to go try and do something semi-normal, so I went. I remember we locked our doors, turned out the lights, and all sat behind the cash registers with the radio on. I don’t know what we thought would happen, but we were so terrified that we really just wanted to hide. We had family and friends that lived in and around NYC. Everyone was trying frantically to get through but the lines were all busy. Luckily everyone we loved was accounted for. What a relief that was!



The following days are a blur. I attended multiple candlelight vigils and my eyes were glued to the television. I was terrified to be alone, but I didn’t want to be around people, either. Eventually, I started to get back to normal. I don’t know what it took to knock me out of my funk, but something must have. Did I think that it would have a lasting effect on me? Not really. As much as I freak out about things, I can usually let them go pretty easily.



To this day, I get nervous when I hear an airplane flying low. Not really a good thing, since I lived about 5 minutes from an airport for a little over a year. I’m not as secure in the thought that I’m “safe.” I’m more skeptical, and I’m not sure that I like that.



However, I will NEVER forget how so many people rallied together during that time to show support and love for our country. I won’t forget the random acts of kindness that ran rampant through those days. Never in my life have I felt so much pride in the American people. Of course, that all eventually dwindled, and people started to try and profit off of the losses of others, but nothing will take away that short amount of time when I could say “THIS is what it’s all about. THIS is what so many people fought and died for. It WASN’T all in vain. WE WON’T LET IT BE.”



My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the people who lost loved ones on that terrible day, and in related events since. To the many Americans who left their lives to aid those less fortunate. To all of the men and women who risked their lives to pick up the pieces of a wounded nation. To all of the people who continue to serve in the Armed Forces overseas and protecting our borders at Home. Thank you. You are appreciated, and you are missed.

WELCOME SITStas!

Good morning and welcome!!! I'm SOOOO excited you're here!

Earwax (not suitable for sensitive stomachs)

I have a STRONG aversion to bodily secretions and certain bodily functions. I also hate body hair. If I had my way, the only hair ANYONE would have would be on their head. Some facial hair on men is acceptable, but that's it. Seriously. the most attractive thing to me about Michael Phelps is that he has to shave everything off to swim... but I digress.....



I never understood those couples that talk about popping each other's zits or using each other's tooth brushes. I understand that we swap spit when we kiss and stuff, but I don't want to have my husband's plaque in my mouth. Ew. And the zit popping thing makes me dry heave.



So today I was talking about how I need new ear buds (the kind with the rubber part that goes into the ear canal) because the normal plastic ones really hurt my little ears. The Hubs kindly offered to switch with me, because that's the kind that he has and he doesn't like them. I was all for it (even though they're black, and I want a fun color like pink to match my nano) until he handed them to me. (This is going to make me sick just typing it. Bear with me here, people.) Right on one of the rubber parts was a great big orange glob of EARWAX. That's right. Wax. From his ear. And he wanted me to put them in MY ears and test them out. Men are gross. I mean, seriously, would YOU do it?



So tell me, SITStas, does this gross you out as much as it does me? What grosses you out? (Do I really want to know?!)

So I did it.....

I broke down yesterday and called to make an appointment with a highly recommended RE (reproductive endocrinologist). My temps have been all over the board, so I know that this cycle isn't working. FF (fertility Friend) says that I MAY HAVE ovulated a few days ago.... if so, then I definitly missed the boat. I don't think I did, though. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm a little nervous. Maybe I had myself convinced that it wasn't going to come to this? I'm glad I'm taking this step, though.



My appointment is Tuesday, Sept 16. Wish me luck.

My Husband Rocks!

The reason my husband rocks this week is actually pretty personal, so for the sake of our marriage, I'm not really going to post the details. Some things need to be kept sacred, you know? Just know that my husband did an incredibly selfless thing this week after reading a blog series that I recommended. This should help our marriage immeasurably, and I am so incredibly grateful for him.

IF.....

Infertility sucks. Only those of us who experience the monthly disappointment can understand. We want to say that it doesn’t define us- it’s not who we are- but it does and it is. It’s huge. It’s the elephant in the room. It makes it so hard to have, and keep, IRL friends. Am I the only one who thinks this?



I live my life. I have fun. I enjoy the things I have. Always, though, I have the thought in the back of my head of children and IF. Isn’t it appropriate that the abbreviation for infertility is IF? As in: IF this cycle works (or doesn’t….) IF the drugs I’m pumping into my body actually make my ovaries produce eggs… What IF I get pregnant this cycle, but then something goes wrong….. IF I have to be put on bed rest and can’t work…. IF I get pregnant with multiples…. IF we spend all of our savings on treatments and then have nothing to show for it- and no money left to adopt…. SO MANY IF’s…… and no one understands, unless they have gone through it.



I’m in such a different place than a lot of my RL friends. Some of them are married and not wanting kids, some are parents or pregnant, some are not married and are still dating around. The grass is always greener, though. Some of my unmarried friends envy that I have a husband and a house and everything that comes along with that. Sometimes I envy that they still get to experience the “falling in love” part, and the fun of dating. Some of my parent friends sometimes envy the freedom that comes with being childless. All the time I envy the fact that they got to experience being pregnant. They got to feel their child(ren) moving and coming to life inside of them. They get to experience the bittersweet joy of every “first”….. I find it SO HARD not to resent that- even though these people are so undeserving of my resentment.



It’s so easy to shrink back out of the world. It’s so easy not to pick up the phone and talk to someone. It’s so easy to become isolated. It’s so easy to not realize that you have, in turn, isolated people who love you and want you in their lives. It’s so easy to hurt people who love you because you don’t want to, or can’t, share your hurt with them. Why is it that the hurting and isolation are the easiest things to come along with IF?

Zumba Zumba Zumba and 90210

ast night I had my first ever ZUMBA class. My mom signed me up to do it with her and my aunt as a birthday gift. I’ve wanted to try it since I heard about it about a year ago- so I was SUPER excited!!!! They say these classes fill up quickly, so I assumed that they were relatively small classes. Imagine my surprise when I walked in to find no less than 50 women standing around waiting for class to start. It was pretty cool!



Now, I HATE to work out. There’s nothing fun to me about sweating enough to drench my clothing. In fact, I gag just thinking about sweat (especially other people’s. The Hubs is a pretty sweaty guy, so that makes things a bit awkward at times.) So when my friend told me that I would be drenched by the time the class was over, I started to dread it. Honestly, though, it was AMAZING! I had so much energy afterwards that I was racing around the grocery store like it was my job. I can see how people get addicted to it!



The Hubs doesn’t think I’m going to keep going. Heck yes I will!

********************************************************************



Also, last night was the premier of the new 90210. I was a HUGE fan back in the day. I still am, actually. I watch re-runs whenever I can catch it on. These people were my idols growing up. I had Brian Austin Green posters all over my room, and I call my brother Brandon Walsh. (Seriously, aside from the journalism thing, the similarities are pretty scary. Also, he’s single.) I wanted to be Jennie Garth, cried when Shannen Doherty left, and got all misty when David and Donna got married. FAVORITE. SHOW. EVER.



I’m not sure how I felt about the new version. It could sink like most other spin offs, or it could take off like Degrassi: the Next Generation (where Shenea Grimes comes from.) I don’t think the pilot was done particularly well, but I’m excited to see where they take the stories.



Things I hated about last night:

- The Peach Pit. HELLO! It’s a diner, not a coffee house. Why did they have to change it.

- Nat didn’t get enough screen time. I hope they don’t just push him to the side in the new version- he was such an important part of the original.

- Brenda didn’t come in until the very end-ish. Does anyone else think she looks terrible?

- All in all, the original characters seemed to just be thrown in to get viewers, and their stories weren’t very developed- even Kelly’s. There’s so much potential there! UGH! The writers better get on that.

- not sure how I feel about the fact that there isn’t really a central group of friends. It seems like the “group” is so scattered. I hope they become more of a cohesive unit. The strong friendship between the main characters is what ultimately made the original so successful, I believe.



Things I LOVED about last night:

- Seeing Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez. I hope they do more with her than just a blurb.

- Erin Silver. It’s exciting to see her all grown up!

- Nat. I just love him.

- I really like most of the new cast as well. I wasn’t crazy about Naomi (she’s an UGLY crier) or the actress girl, but maybe they’ll grow on me.

- The storylines have potential. I hope they run with them.



I think I’ll give it a few more episodes to make my decision on this show. The pilot wasn’t anything explosive or exciting, but I have a feeling that they are just getting started…….

My Husband Rocks!!!!

Why does my husband rock?! Because he bought this shirt (as a surprise to me) and couldn’t wait to wear it! He actually got a little bit giddy when he put it on. The Hubs isn’t the best with words- but it’s the little things like this that reassure me that he really does love me! AND he rocks!!

I can't really say I'm surprised....

Went in for an ultrasound to check on my Clomid progress this morning (cd13). I only had 3 follies and they were all measuring 11mm. The last 2 rounds gave me folicles 17-22mm at this time. She's not sure if it's just not working, or if it's going slow. It's all so frustrating. I had a feeling that it wasn't working, though..... just a really bad feeling. I hope they're just growing slowly and that, by some miracle, we will have timed it pefectly, and that everything turns out like a fairy tale. I hope.



The Hubs came home yesterday from Sam's all proud that he found a HUGE bottle of Midol for $8. I looked at it and looked at him and almost threw it at him. I hope I don't end up needing it.

Marriage Builder Monday

To find out more about Marriage Builder Monday, click here.



As I've said in previous My Husband Rocks posts, The Hubs does A LOT around the house. During the week, I cook dinner- and then I'm out for the count. I'll sit in front of the TV until it's about 9:30 and then I get ready for work the next day and go to bed. Mostly, if dishes need done, I either do them before making dinner or not at all. The Hubs goes crazy and can't stand my clutter, so he'll sometimes just start cleaning. I feel bad when he does this, but I just can't seem to get motivated to help. I say "that's what the weekend is for!"



That said, he LOVES it when I clean... especially when I organize things. This week, as my marriage builder challenge, I am going to try to keep at least the first floor in company friendly condition. It's nothing big, and I know keeping it up daily will be a big help for both of us, but I've never been able to do it before- so wish me luck!!!!



What will you do this week?

I've been tagged

So I've been tagged a few times by some pretty great bloggers, Andrea, Stacy, and Staci.... So I guess I should play along!





Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you


2. Post the rules on your blog


3. Write 6 random things about yourself


4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them


5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog


6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.





1. I just went to WalMart with my mom and spent too much money on crap I don't need... and junk food.




2. I found out today that one of The Hubs' friends reads my blog (Hi Jason!) so now he knows all about my womanly struggles. Not embarrassing at all.




3. We're watching my IL's puppy this week while they are on vacation. She's decided that she wants to live in our bedroom, and my dog has decided that he needs to pee all over our bedroom carpet. yay.




4. Right now I am wearing my sister's old maternity shorts. I'm not pregnant- they're just comfortable. Yes, I did go out in public wearing them.


5. It's 7:30 on a Saturday night, and I'm ready for bed!


6. The women I work with think I'm the weirdest person in the whole world. They've obviously been pretty sheltered, right? I'm not that weird, am I?



I'm not going to tag anyone, because pretty much everyone that I know well enough to tag has already been tagged....... so if you're reading this- I guess I'm gonna tag YOU

My Husband Rocks Friday!!!

To find out more about My Husband Rocks Friday, click here or on the button on my sidebar.



I LOVE LOVE LOVE My Husband Rocks Fridays! Not only is it Friday, but it's an excuse to brag about my incredible hubby! It always makes me a bit giddy to tell the world how great he is... so here goes.....



My Husband ROCKS because I can tell him "we're keeping the twins overnight- and you're going to have to sleep with the tv on on mute all night and a cd on." and he'll say "Ok, where do you want me to put up the pack n plays?"



OR I can say "My parents and brother and sister and great big dog are coming over on Saturday while they flea bomb the house" and he'll say "Ok, I'll clean the house since I'm only working a half day on Friday."



OR I can say "These Clomid Hot flashes are KILLING ME! Please change back into your clothes (we wear pajamas when it's just us at home) and drive down to the ice cream stand to get me something cold!" and he says "OK, what do you want?"



Yeah, he's pretty great ::sigh::

Clomid update

I don't really have anything interesting to talk about right now. All of my family and most of my friends are on vacation- lounging on the beach and drinking cocktails- and I'm here lonely and bored. Well, actually right now I'm supposed to be working, so I'll make this quick.





I'm on Clomid day 3 right now (since I take my pills at night) and this is when it starts to get a little hell-ish. Yesterday I was so tired I couldn't hold my head up. Today the hot flashes are SO unbearable... and then I freeze (goosebumps and shivers and all) when I come down from them. I'm cranky, too. Tomorrow will be the day that the anxiety starts to set in, and being around people will make me feel claustrophobic. I'm sure there are worse things, but it would be really great if my ovaries worked on their own, ya know?

OOPS!

ICOMLEAVWE starts tomorrow, and I really don't have anything interesting up for people to comment on! Maybe I should get on that......



New post to come. I'm going to challenge myself to write something new every day during ICLW.

The Return of CLOMID and randomness

I start my 3rd round of Clomid tonight. I've been having hot flashes all weekend in anitcipation. Fun stuff, right?



I ended up not really having any plans this weekend. I coulda/ shoulda/ woulda cleaned my house and caught up my laundry and put more stuff up on ebay, but I didn't. Instead I sat on my couch looking at magazines and watching TV- mostly the style channel and Lifetime movies. OH and I rented Atonement. Let's review:



-I could TOTALLY be Kimora Lee Simmons. Basically she bosses people around all day and ends up getting everything she wants. She doesn't seem mean about it, just unwilling to compromise. It works, right? Also, OMG her closets! I was drooling just a little bit. And she seems to have a really great relationship with her kids. That was really cool to watch.



-I love Lifetime movies. I don't know what it is, but I just love them. I always have. I could sit on my couch all weekend and watch nothing but Lifetime Movies and be constantly entertained. Should I be ashamed of this? Cause I'm not.



- Atonement. (Sidebar: I hate when I have to watch a movie with the remote in my hands to control the volume through the whole thing. There were times when the music was SO loud that I had to hurry up and turn it down, and then there were times when I couldn't hear a word the characters were saying so I had to turn it up almost full blast. Annoying, right?) Maybe it's just me, but for the first 3/4 of the movie I was kinda confused, and the jumping around in time really threw me off. I wasn't quite sure why people raved and raved about this movie..... until the end. I'm not going to get into any spoilers here, but the end of the movie just made the entire thing worth it to me. It ripped my heart out and stomped on it and made me think about how beautiful life is. The Hubs was hanging out with one of his friends yesterday, and when the friend was leaving, he asked me how the movie was. Then he looked at my face and said "that good, huh?" Wowee! Great flick.



We had a sleepover with the Littles on Saturday night. It was so great to see their faces last thing before I fell asleep and first thing in the morning. And then we made banana pancakes and danced to Barney. And then we went to the park and saw the ducks. And then they cried because they didn't want to go home. And I cried. And they went home. It's so easy to get used to having them around.... it kinda felt strange NOT having them around.




Don't you wish you had my fabulous life?

My Husband ROCKS!

Hmmm so I've been a bad bad lazy blogger lately. I've been reading and responding, but I just haven't had much to say. Sorry about that!!! I'll have to get my rear in gear.



SO why does my husband rock today? I'll tell you why. He rocks because he handles all of our bills and money stuff.... and doesn't get TOO mad at me when I forget to give him receipts from when I stop for coffee in the mornings (oops!)



I freak out when it comes to money. I know it's bad, but I usually don't even look at the bank account. The Hubs will keep me informed of our balance and the things that need paid, but if I look at it myself, and see how many bills we actually have (necessities like mortgage, cars, utilities) I tend to hyperventilate. Also, I'm REALLY bad at paying bills on time... but I have realized my short comings and we decided before we got married that this would be the deal. (Actually I came with a disclaimer: "I don't cook, clean, do dishes, do windows, do yard work, or handle money." I actually do do some of that stuff, but I flat out told him numerous times that I wouldn't and he wanted to marry me anyway. That's LOVE right there, folks!)It works for us, and I can promise you that our marriage wouldn't be as strong as it is right now if he didn't take care of this. I'd be a basket case and he wouldn't be able to deal with me!





So tell me, why does your husband rock?

An Homage to some Amazing Women

It's come to my attention in the past few days that I have some pretty incredible women in my life. I feel the need to tell the world how much they mean to me and how amazing and strong I think they all are.



First, I'm going to tell you all about my friend T*. When I met T, I felt an automatic connection- like she was a long lost family member, or a sister that I never knew I had. T is a mom of 2. Her son just graduated from, and her daughter is just entering high school. She raised them, basically, on her own, and they are some of the most amazing kids I have ever met. They're kids, so of course they aren't perfect, but they were raised with a sense of responsibility and respect that I just don't see in many people. She has so much to be proud of when she looks at them, but she'll never give herself credit. She's the friend that I know I can count on for anything and everything. Although I would NEVER ask, I know she would walk over hot coals for me- and she knows I would do the same for her. It's just understood. She has blessed my life in so many ways. I consider myself so lucky and priviledged to know her.



T got engaged to be married a couple of weeks ago. She met her (super hot) fiance while we were working together. They've been together only a year less than The Hubs and I, and have been through enough to know that they have what it takes to be there for each other forever. I can't put into words how happy I am for them. If I had a million dollars, I would give them the wedding that neither of them were able to have the first time around. They deserve nothing but the best.



Now let's talk about L. L has been my best friend since our freshman year of high school. We have had MANY ups and downs, but I can't imagine my life without her in it. (You know the movie Beaches? That's us, but I'm not rich.) She's been through an awful lot in her life. She's stronger than she gives herself credit for.... and as the years go by, she's finally starting to realize how much she is worth as a person. She can make me laugh like no one in the world I've ever met. We can go months without talking and pick up where we left off. She has been so supportive through my struggles with IF, even when she's had to go through some REALLY rough times herself. I would probably fall apart if I had to go through what she is going through right now, but I have to give her credit- I have never seen her stronger or more beautiful in all of the years I have known her than she is right now.



L is going to have a baby some time in October. She has so much love to give, this child doesn't stand a chance. She is going to be an amazing mother.



Last in this post, but definitely not least, is my sister, Em. Em has proven herself to be SO much stronger and dedicated than I ever imagined she could be. My little sister is going to school to be a special education teacher. She is spending her summer at a rotary camp taking care of kids/adults with mild- severe disabilities. She is putting in long, hard hours. She's sleeping in a cabin, swimming in a lake, and helping grown people bathe and use the restroom!



I'm so amazed at the things that she is doing. This summer has been hard on her, but she is more resolved than ever that this is how she wants to spend the rest of her life. I am so, so proud of her.



*I haven't asked T or L if they would mind if I posted their names, so I just posted their initials. If they're reading this, they know who they are.

My Husband Rocks Friday!

It's FRIDAY again! Time for me to tell you exactly why my darling husband rocks this week.



This week, the Hubs rocks because he bought me ice cream. This may sounds silly to some, but for some reason, I fall in love with him all over again every time he hands me a bowl of the stuff. A couple of days ago, he went out and picked up a perscription for me (another reason why he rocks) and on the way back picked up a "surprise" ice cream sundae from the little ice cream stand around the corner.



I love him!

Just a little blurb

I'm gonna be an aunt again today! My foster brother & wife are going in later this morning for a c-section, and so I'll get to meet my new neice right after work! I'm so excited!

Photoshop scares me

I have a couple of pretty interesting posts in the works, but I'm having some problems getting the thoughts in my head to translate into words. You know how that goes!





Now, back to the title. Does Photo shop scare anyone else? I mean, it's really cool to play with, and it can make a terrible photo of you somehow look good, but it just seems like EVERYTHING is photoshopped anymore! I was looking through an AVON catalog on my lunch break one day, and there is a page dedicated to a dark circle remover cream with "before" and "after" pictures. Great... but they are SOO OBVIOUSLY photoshopped! I mean, it looks like someone took the picture of an eye, photoshopped the real dark circle out, and then photoshopped a slight shadow under the eye. How in the world am I supposed to believe that this product works now? And it makes me so MAD because consumers aren't stupid! (well, some are, I'm sure, but I know most of us aren't, am I right girls?)





My point is this: if they can photoshop models in magazines, (and I'm sure EVERY SINGLE PICTURE in a magazine is doctored in some way)how is anyone supposed to know what is real? Any photo can be messed with. If someone is REALLY good at photoshop, it can look REALLY REAL! I'm not paranoid, honestly, but it's almost like losing trust in someone. If they lie to you once, how are you supposed to ever believe anything else that that person says?




I'm going to do something productive now. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Discuss!

Counting my blessings.

Lately I’ve been pretty down in the dumps. Nothing terrible has happened. I know that my self pity party is unwarranted. I know that I have a pretty cushy life….. so, today, I think I need to count my blessings so that I can remind myself what they are.



1. I have an amazing husband who: does dishes and laundry, takes care of the animals, cleans the house in his free time, loves me and can’t wait to get the baby train going again.

2. I have a family that is very strong and supportive, even when they’re being a big pain in the booty.

3. I own a house. With nice things inside.

4. Both the Hubs and I have decent cars that are dependable (knock on wood…. Like all of it that I have in sight)

5. I work at a pretty cushy job. I get paid a decent salary, and I usually am not too busy so I get to spend some QT with my Google reader and my Nesties.

6. I’m not constantly afraid that I will lose my job, like so many other people in the world.

7. I’m (relatively) healthy.

8. The Hubs is healthy (and so are his sperm.)

9. I have a puppy and a kitty that provide me with unconditional love, and are always happy to see me.

10. I have a DVR and a library card.



So I want to ask all of you…. What are you blessed with?

Marriage Builder Monday

It's MONDAY again! I know, how excited are you?!(she asked sarcastically.)



Do you ever look back at a certain time period in your life and say "what in the world was I even DOING that took up that much time?!" Well, the past 2 weeks, I haven't been home except to sleep. My poor Husband! And the sad thing is- I have NO IDEA what I've been doing that was so important that it kept me away from home! I know I met with a couple of friends that I hadn't seen in a really long time, so that may have been worth it.... and I went grocery shopping and let the Hubs chill at home with his DVR and video games, so that was nice of me... but really? It's sad.



This week, as a marriage building gesture, I will go home from work every day. If I have to go back out, I will wait until after I have made dinner and we have eaten it together, and then I will go run whatever errands I need to run. Hopefully the Hubs will tag along, but probably not. Wish me luck!

MY HUSBAND ROCKS!!!!!!!!

Warning: this is partly fertility related.



As I mentioned in my last post, the Hubs finally got his SA done. I know it’s a humbling and embarrassing experience for him, but I think it really made him even more “gung ho” in this whole baby making business. Ever since he’s “done the thing” (his words) He just seems to light up every time he thinks about us having kids. He’s SO confident that we’re going to be parents- good parents. He seems to be more interested in MY end of the testing. He’s more tuned in and interested. He’s just really excited. I can’t wait to give him a child (or 2 or 3..)

Whatever Wednesday

It’s WHATEVER WEDNESDAY again!



*My coworker is back from maternity leave! WOO HOO! I have been doing her job and mine for the past 6 weeks, so I am SO glad she’s back. My cube is SUCH a mess that I feel like I’m drowning…. And I can finally clean it out!



*I don’t feel like cleaning out my cube. Actually, I don’t feel like doing much of anything……



*I love my husband, and I like my life a whole lot, but man, I’m REALLY envious of The Pioneer Woman’s life. She’s had the best of both worlds (BIG city living and WAY OUT IN THE BOONIES country living.) Her relationship with her husband seems practically perfect in every way, and she has some adorable kids! Not to mention they have a farm. I’ve always wanted to have a farm…..(at least a whole bunch of farm animals….) I had a dream the other night that I was her kids’ nanny or something. I’m not obsessed or anything. Is this unhealthy?



*I’m going to Cedar Point on Saturday. It’s supposed to be 86 and sunny. I don’t own a pair of shorts. I went shopping for some yesterday and all the pairs I could find were: too high of a rise (think above the belly button), too low of a rise (making my belly look even bigger than it is), too long, too short, too heavy, too “teenager-y”, too “old lady”, too dressy…. There’s a lot of really cute little “active” skirts out there, but, hello! I’m going to cedar point. I don’t want to be flashing people all day. Also, I have fat thighs and they rub together and it hurts. Remember when you were a kid and any old pair of shorts was fine?



*I realized I’m getting old. Just recently I’ve been looking at HS and college girls and thinking about how nice it would be to be that young again with no cares in the world……..sad, huh?



*The Hubs FINALLY got a SA yesterday. My NP called this morning to tell me the results….. and everything on his end looks really good. So I guess I’m the broken one in this relationship. That’s good, though. I’d rather it be me than him. There’s not too much that can be done for MFIF. So I start provera this weekend (as soon as I call in a BFN on a HPT) and then Clomid once AF shows. Not really looking forward to more clomid crap, but anything to make a baby, right?!



*My parents are going on vacation in a couple of weeks, and they ask me at LEAST twice a day if I can go. Honestly, I want to, and I probably could- IF I wanted to leave the Hubs behind (they couldn’t afford to pay for us both), or IF we had the money to go, or IF I had the time left to take off of work….. I feel so bad every time they ask, and when I try to bring in the OB appts that I have to make, they just get all weird about it…. Of course, they’re all either way fertile or not women, so they wouldn’t really get it, I guess….. it just makes it hard, ya know? It will be my parents’ first vacation without half of their kids, so they’re having a hard time with it. Last time we took a family vacation was when we went to Disney World about 5 years ago. Of course none of us were married then, and we were all able to go. This year, I’m not going, my sister (mom of The Littles) isn’t going, and my deadbeat brother isn’t going, because my sister and I aren’t and he’ll be bored ::rolls eyes::



*I have eaten SO much crap today! I had 2 donuts and 2 pieces of extra greasy pizza…. But it was SOOOOOO good and SOOOOO worth it!